


I'm a little bit scared to death ('cause I ain't been here before)

by Thatoneloser_kid



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Firefighter Toni, Medic Shelby, they're both stations at the same fire house
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29507298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneloser_kid/pseuds/Thatoneloser_kid
Summary: Toni is a fire fighter and on the rescue squad, Shelby is a medic at the same fire house.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 110
Kudos: 579





	1. Chapter 1

Toni only became a firefighter because it's what her ma did and Toni had no real ambition, so she latched onto the first thing she could. 

She applied when she was eighteen, Jamie having trained her for years, and got in when she was nineteen. 

But Toni was a lot like Jamie, all drive, searching for that next adrenaline rush, so after a while standard firefighting got boring for Toni like it had done for Jamie. 

So, Toni applied for the rescue division. 

Jamie was proud, but terrified, and Dani was just outright terrified. 

Toni remembered hearing her crying the night Toni told them, and Toni honestly reconsidered doing it, not wanting to hurt Dani. 

But Jamie must have talked Dani down, because Dani came to her the next day with a sad smile and telling her she was proud of her. That, yes, she was terrified that the two most important people in her life loved running headlong into danger.

"But I know this is what you want. I also know you will be amazing at it, you and Jamie are both so similar." Dani had said, then she hugged Toni because they were both crying. 

Toni joined her mothers rescue squad at twenty one, a skip in her step and all too cocky. 

Her first call knocked her down several pegs. 

She got stuck with a kid, no older than twelve, fell through the floor and landed on rebar. 

It wasn't looking good before the entrance collapsed, but Toni knew it was over when it did. 

So here she was, that cocky bravado gone, as she stared down at this dying kid and there was  _ nothing  _ she could do about it. 

Nothing other than make it comfortable for her. 

So Toni settled down beside her, listening to this kid as she told her stories, but after a short while she stared to slow down, breathing laboured, so Toni took over, telling stories of her own. 

She knew it was coming, too, telling Toni that she was scared, and Toni couldn't keep her emotions in check, a few tears slipping, leaving clear streaks on her soot covered face. 

Then the kid just died, and Toni should have been able to do something but she couldn't, all she could do was watch the life drain from this kids eyes. 

Toni didn't remember much of being stuck in there after that, but she knows it was the longest wait of her life. 

When she was finally free she kept her cool, getting the rope wrapped around the kid to lift her up. 

Jamie, as well as the rest of her squad, knew not to crowd her in public, let her put on a brave face. 

But Jamie caught her when they got back to the station. 

"Hey, pal, wait up." Jamie called when Toni hopped out of the truck and headed for the showers. 

"What's up?" 

"What's up?" Jamie frowned. "Toni, don't do that."

"Do what, lieutenant?" Toni sighed. 

"This. I've been there, feeling it doesn't make you any less one'a us, kid."

"I'm fine, ma." Toni smiled, pointing over her shoulder. "Just gotta shower."

Jamie nodded, and Toni knew she could see right through her, and that she would be getting a talk from Dani tonight. 

But that gave her a few hours to process.

Toni lost control almost as soon as she was away from her mom, stumbling into the locker room, her back hitting her locker with a loud thud as Toni tried to calm the rush of panic that was currently drowning her. 

"Hey, you're okay." a voice said, and if Toni hadn't been so far inside her own her head she probably would've jumped. Then the girl touched her arms. "Can you sit for me?"

Toni slid down the locker, her legs pulled up, forehead against her knees. 

"I'm Shelby by the way, new medic." the girl said, and Toni took in a long, shaky breath before replying. 

"Toni," was all she could breath out. 

"Toni. It's nice to meet you Toni, I'm not going to pretend I haven't heard about you."

That made Toni frown, lifting her head ever so slightly. 

"You have a bit of a reputation as a ladies… lady." Shelby said with a little grin. 

"I do not," 

"Martha has told me all about you." Shelby's eyebrows arched, challenging Toni to argue. 

But Toni fucking couldn't, no one knew her better than Martha. 

"I like sex, so what?" 

"Nothin'. I just said I'd heard of you, I didn't wanna start a fight." Shelby said. "Though it does seem like it was a good idea, considering you aren't panicking anymore." 

And she wasn't. 

Her heart was still hammering in her chest, but her chest didn't feel full now, she could breathe. 

"Fuck," Toni let her head fall back against the locker, eyes closed, but she could feel Shelby sit alongside her. 

"Fuck indeed." shekby said, and Toni cracked an eye open, head tilted toward Shelby. "You okay?" 

Toni thought about lying, but there was something so oddly intimate about this thing, them huddled together on the floor of the warm locker room, Shelby watching Toni was a tender look. 

So Toni didn't lie, slowly shaking her head. 

"No," She swallowed thickly, staring down at her hands, pressing her left thumb into her right palm. "Lost a kid today."

Toni expected the usual bullshit of  _ I'm sorry  _ and  _ it will get better.  _

But Shelby didn't feed her any of that bullshit, or any bullshit at all. She stayed silent, placing a hand over Toni's. 

And that, apparently, was what Toni needed, because something in her chest eased up. 

And they just stayed like that for god knows how long before Toni laughed, wiping at her already dry face as she stood. "I should shower."

"You sure you're doing okay? That's not an easy thing to-" 

"I'm fine," Toni cut her off. "It's part of the job, take it on the chin and move on."

"That's not how it works."

"Is with me." Toni shrugged. "Cheers, though, for talking me down, first and last that'll ever happen."

"Shalifoe," Shelby tried to argue but Toni cut her off. 

"It's fine-" Toni glanced at the girl expectantly. 

"Shelby. Goodkind."

Toni nodded, "I'm fine, Goodkind. See you around."

Toni left then before the girl could argue. 

\-- 

Toni was supposed to go to her parents for dinner that night, but then Leah pulled her aside at the end of the shift and asked if she wanted to go for drinks.

She agreed immediately, texting her parents to let them know, because she did not need Dani being all nice and motherly tonight, it would break her. 

So she went out with the squad, her, Leah and Rachel, as well as a few of the firefighters from truck, but only the ones who didn't hate the rescue squad.

So it ended her being her, Rachel, Fatin, Dot, and Leah tucked away in a booth. 

Then some of the medics showed up, Martha shuffling in beside Toni, Shelby on Martha's left, while Nora sat beside her sister on the other side of the booth. 

Toni was drunk by the time the medics got there, so she could easily ignore the concerned look Shelby was giving her. 

"How about a game of pool?" Toni said, stumbled slightly as she tried to get out of the booth, snagging her toe on the table leg. "Rescue vs truck vs medics."

"How can you have a three way game of pool?" Nora asked. 

"We don't, Rescue vs ninety-six. Loser takes on medics, then the winner of that will face rescue."

Toni looked around the table, and everyone looked more than up for it. 

Shelby tilting her head slightly. "Cocky for someone who isn't much taller than the pool cue." 

There was a round of 'ooh's from the table, but Toni could do banter, she had Jamie as a mother after all. 

Toni grinned, shrugging lazily as she leaned her palms on the surface of the table in front of Shelby, towering over her, almost. 

"Size isn't an issue if you know what you're doing, Texas." She said, pinning the rest of Shelby's whiskey, just managing to hold back the wince as it burned down her throat. She had to admit she was impressed that this was what Shelby drank. She wouldn't tell her that, though." I can prove that to ya, if you like."

Shelby maintained eye contact while the rest of the group watched them carefully. 

"I've found the ones who are loud and proud about their ability are usually the ones who are overcompensating." Shelby shot back, and Toni found herself grinning at the girls teasing demeanour. 

"Oh, I'm not usually the one being loud, honey." Toni mimicked Shelby's accent, flashed a crooked grin before turning and heading for the bar. "This rounds of me, go rack up."

Everyone bar Leah headed to the pool table, Leah instead joining Toni at the bar. 

"What the fuck was  _ that?"  _ Leah asked _ ,  _ leaning against the bar beside Toni. 

"What?" 

"You and Goodkind." Leah nodded her head toward Shelby. "That was like, a whole other level of flirting."

Toni shook her head. "Nah."

"Yeah," Leah argued with a laugh. 

"I flirt with everyone, Leah." Toni pointed out, flashing the barmaid a charming smile, fluttering her eyelashes. "Ain't that right, Regan?" 

"Yup, Toni, you are indeed a fuck boy." Regan hummed, placing the last of their drinks down. 

"See," Toni motioned toward Regan then herself. "Fuck boy."

"So not something to be proud of." Leah shook her head, grabbing most of the drinks before heading off toward the table, leaving Toni to pay. 

"Thanks, Regan." Toni slid Regan a twenty for a tip, making Regan roll her eyes. 

"I'll kiss ya for free, Toni."

Toni laughed as she turned around. "You do more than that for free, Shepard."

"Fuck you, Crow." Regan shot back and the group cheered and 'ooh'd. Toni laughed again as she set the drinks down. 

"What's a crow?" Shelby frowned, Toni standing alongside her as Fatin lined up to take the first shot. 

"Us in rescue quadrant. You know, the old story of the crow pretending to be a peacock." Toni said, and Shelby shook her head. "Right, so this crow sees a peacock, decided it wants to be as vibrant as the peacock so it dresses itself up in peacock feathers and tried to join them. But the peacocks laughed the crow away, so the crow going back to the crows. Thing is, they don't want him anymore."

"Okay," Shelby frowned, her eyes following the ball as Fatin struck it. "I don't get it, though."

"People think us rescue squad think we're better than the fire fighters. We're the crows in peacock feathers." Toni shrugged. "That's nothing compared to what they say about you medics, though."

"What?" Shelby frowned, but Toni just grinned and pushed herself off the wall to take her shot. 

The night pretty much went on like that, the playful banter, teasing comments, but it all had this odd heaviness when it came to Shelby. Leah was right, they were flirting, but it didn't seem harmless, Shelby - once she got a few drinks in her- was not coy about it. She pulled every basic move in flirting for morons handbook; touching Toni's arm, fluttering her eyelashes, laying the accent on  _ thick.  _

And Toni was eating it all up, it wasn't often pretty girls flirted with her, Toni usually did the chasing. 

Shelby, it turns out, was a great pool player, and the game between her and Toni for the win was tense, to the point their friends just sat back and watched. 

Watched them take shots, make little jabs at each other, the looks, the touches as they passed by each other. It was fourplay, and the group knew it. 

Shelby won, but just barely, both her and Martha grinning smugly. 

Toni wanted to be annoyed, probably would have been but there was something in Shelby's gaze, in the tilt of her head, in her hooded eyes. 

Toni couldn't be annoyed because this felt like this was going somewhere. 

"Alright, drinks on me then." Toni said, her eyes lingering on Shelby as she moved toward the bar. 

"That was a really good game." Shelby said, coming up alongside Toni, tucked away in the corner beside the bar. 

"Mm," Toni hummed, leaning against the bar, body turned completely toward Shelby. "How'd you get so good?"

"Every gay bar in San Francisco has a pool table, it's a good way to pick up girls."

"Is that right?" Toni said. "You pick up a lot of girls, Texas?" 

Shelby shrugged, almost bashful. "A few, I guess."

"I mean, I think it was probably more than a few." Toni said, and Shelby didn't even need to ask what she meant by that, the way Toni's eyes raked down her body told her everything she needed to know. 

"Jeez, am I really supposed to believe that you're a wiz with women when you say stuff like that." Shelby said, and Toni chuckled. 

"I think," Toni drawled, eyes downcast as she moved closer to Shelby, their hips almost touching. Toni lifted her eyes to Shelby to her staring over at her with those same hooded eyes and ghost of a smile. "You're quite charmed."

"I think you're full of yourself," Shelby shot back, her tongue peeking out to wet her lips, catching Toni's attention. Then she had the audacity to smirk. 

"I think you're curious if I live up to the hype." Toni hated that she sounded so breathless, but if it made Shelby look at her  _ like this,  _ then she wouldn't imagine it was a bad thing. 

Toni smirked then, cause Shelby was just staring at her, like she was trying to decide her next move was. 

Shelby then glanced around the room, their friends preoccupied with their own thing, it wasn't like this was the first time Toni had tucked herself away in the corner with one of the newbies. 

"Come on, Goodkind." Toni coaxed, that same smirk on her lips that seemed to get all the girls hooked. "Do it." 

And it seemed to work on Shelby, at first, but then she seemed to comeback to herself, shaking herself out of her little daze. 

Then she took a step toward Toni, and Toni straightened, expecting Shelby to kiss her, and she did lean in, but then she dipped down to whisper into Toni's ear. "Shots?" 

That threw Toni completely, and all she could do was blink at Shelby as she flashed her a decidedly non-Christian smirk before turning and heading down the bar to get served. 

Leah came up beside her while the rest of the group either rallied around the table or went to the bar. 

"Well, of all the people to resist you I would not have said it would've been our own little southern belle." Leah grinned down at Toni, who rolled her eyes. 

"I dunno, I reckon by the end of the night she'll be coming home with me."

"I do to," Leah agreed, nudging Toni slightly. "But I don't think it'll have anything to do with you, and more to do with her  _ wanting  _ to go home with someone."

And Leah was right, Shelby didn't fall for any of Toni's usual moves, and was pulling some of her own that would throw Toni a little off kilter each time. 

Then, to make it all worse, Toni was the one who ended up kissing Shelby. That was something Toni  _ never  _ did, make the first move, but there was something so captivating about Shelby and Toni really couldn't pass up the opportunity to go home with her. 

The night was fun, but they were both drunk so it was a little clumsy, and little messy, and Toni found herself doing something she had  _ never  _ done during sex. 

Giggling. 

Toni was fucking giggling, and so was Shelby, and it all just felt a little too intimate for Toni. 

Shelby, again, exceeded her expectations when they finished, instead of trying to cuddle she laid alongside Toni, no part of them touching. 

"I'll leave soon, I just gotta-" Shelby was still breathing hard, turning her head to look at Toni, smiling. "Get feeling back in my feet."

Toni laughed, then shrugged. "I ain't gonna kick you out at three am."

"No, but it's a rule of mine, I don't spend the night."

Toni nodded, she respected it, and she was honestly a little thankful, she hated having to throw people out of her place after they spent the night together. 

Toni did walk her out, though, and let her borrow some clothes, she was raised right by her mother's after all. 

"When you working next?" Toni asked, leaning against the door frame. 

"Monday," 

"See you then, Texas."

Shelby rolled her eyes at the nickname. "Goodnight, Shalifoe."

"Night, Goodkind. Let me know when you're home safe."

Shelby eyed her for a second, pointing playfully at Toni. "You're a softie, Shalifoe."

"Not true but you can believe that if you'd like." Toni said, giving Shelby a little salute before she closed the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys liked and I like writing it so here we go. Thank yiu so much for all the kind comments and feedback, it really made my day yesterday.
> 
> Let me know what you think?   
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Toni had expected things to be awkward on Monday, between her and Shelby, it always tended to be awkward the next time she saw them at the station. 

But it wasn't, Shelby just flashed her an unreserved smile and wished her good morning as she hopped into the ambulance with Martha and away they went. 

Toni was thankful, she didn't want to deal with  _ another  _ drama of a girl who couldn't take no for an answer. 

"So," Leah fell down on the bed across from Toni, Toni currently snoozing after dinner. "You went home with Shelby, right?" 

"Mm," Toni hummed. "This better not be about ny sex life when I'm trying to nap."

"Was just curious what's going on?" Leah shrugged. "I saw you guys talking today, that never happens."

"We're adults, Leah." Toni grumbled. "And my sex life is none of your business unless it's you I'm fucking, Rilke."

"You offering?" Leah grinned teasingly at Toni, who chuckled and turned onto her back, covering her eyes with her arms. 

"Like you could take your eyes away from Fatin long enough to sleep with me." Toni lifted her arm just enough to peer at Leah from under it, smirking when Leah scoffed. "It's nothing big, Rilke. We just had sex, that's it."

"That's a bummer, I feel like you'd be good together." 

Toni rolled her eyes, about to reply when the siren sounded through the station, making both Leah and Toni stand to attention. 

_ Truck 96. Rescue. Medic required. Multiple injuries. Multiple missing people.  _

"You fucking ruined my nap," Toni shoved Leah as she stood, running off toward her kit, laughing as Leah came after her. 

Toni almost barreled into Shelby as she rushed toward the truck, flashing her a little smile as she sidestepped her and back peddled, looking at Shelby. 

"Get a hustle on, Goodkind." she said, and Shelby rolled her eyes. 

"I'll see you there, Shalifoe."

When they got there Toni knew it was bad. 

It was a three story home, one half partially caved in, it wasn't on fire anymore but it wasn't stable. 

"We've got two adults somewhere in there, husband and wife." Jamie said, surveying the building. "Rachel, Fatin, go in, check the basement. Toni, you and Leah go in through the back, there's a blown out window there, and the back seems far more stable."

"Sure thing, Lieutenant." Toni nodded, and she and Leah began walking round toward the back, Toni grinning at Leah. "My turn to go in."

"Go on then, loser." Leah batted at Toni's shoulder, just as Shelby appeared.

"They want a medic in," Shelby said. 

"No way, we don't know if the building is safe to go into."

"So go scope it out." Shelby said, motioning to the building. "The fire is mostly contained, forty-five have taken care of most of it but the residents aren't responding. They want one of us in there, too."

"We'll bring them down to you," Toni said, hitting the button on her radio. "Jay, are you sure it's a good idea to take a medic in with us?" 

"Go scout the building, take her if it's safe." Jamie's voice rang through Toni's coms. "And play nice, Toni."

Toni tutted, turning to Shelby. "I'm going to go scout out the floor, come up the ladder with me but wait outside." 

"You weren't this bossy in bed." Shelby commented as she and Toni walked toward the ladder. 

Toni shook her head, pointing at Shelby. "Do as you're told, okay?" 

Shelby nodded, suddenly serious. "Of course."

Toni nodded once before rocketing up the ladder and peering inside. 

There was smoke but no sign of flames so Toni hopped inside, crouching enough to see under the smoke to locate the door. 

She pressed on, casing the floor, looking for the occupants, and it wasn't until she got to the last room that she found them, the man standing by the crumbling wall, back to both Toni and his wife. 

The woman was on the floor, looking far worse than her husband. 

Toni rushed to the woman, making sure to keep an eye on the man, she had a bad feeling about him. 

"Quite the morning, huh?" Toni offered a crooked smile, kneeling down to get a better look at the woman. She was pale and definitely bleeding. "Okay, ma'am, I'm going to have to go grab a medic." 

Toni made to leave but the woman grabbed her. "Police," She forced out. 

"Yeah, the police are here, too, but we have to sort you out and get you out." Toni stood, eyeing the man as she made for the door. "You doing okay, sir?" 

"Fine,"

Toni didn't have time to push him so she rushed off toward the window, holding a hand out to Shelby. 

"It's only this room fulla smoke. It's bad, the wife is hurt, and the husband is weird." Toni explained as she guided Shelby through the room to the door and out into the hallway, which had considerably less smoke. 

"What were her injuries?" Shelby asked. 

"Broken leg, but she's looking rough, grey almost." Toni explained as they entered the room. 

"Him?" 

"No idea, he didn't even look at me."

Toni gripped a little tighter onto Shelby when there was a loud creaking and the ground under them shifted slightly but, thankfully, didn't give out. 

"We've gotta move."

Shelby went to work on the woman immediately, Toni making her way toward the man slowly. "Hey, man, you doing okay?" 

"It was an accident, I didn't mean for it to get this bad." he said. 

"It's cool, man, whatever it is, we'll fix it. But right now we just gotta get outta here, alright?" Toni said, and the man shook his head, turning slightly, and it was then Toni saw the gun. 

"He was here.  _ With her,  _ I just know it. I didn't mean- I mean, the fire, I didn't mean for it to get that bad, but it spread to the basement, we store our flour, it just exploded." the man explained, turning fully to Toni, one hand on the back of his neck, the other clutching the gun, quivering. 

"Toni, she had a GSW." Shelby said behind her, and Toni nodded. 

"Dude, is this really worth spending the rest of your life in jail for?" 

"She's fucking deserved this." he said, pointing the gun toward his wife and Shelby. 

It was then Shelby realised what was happening, and Toni could see the fear in her eyes. 

Toni situated herself between them and the man. "I need you to put that away."

The man shook his head, gun shaking in his hand slightly as it leveled to the left of Toni, still on his wife. 

"Toni," Shelby sounded panicked behind her, but Toni ignored her. "She's going into shock, if we don't get her to the wagon soon."

"Look, dude, I'm not an officer, or a medic, I'm not going to hesitate breaking your fucking nose if you don't get that gun away from them." Toni warned, then she slowly started moving forward, hands up, the guy bringing the gun to her as she did so. "If you don't let us do what we need to we're all going to die here."

"I have no issue with that." he said

"Yeah, I kinda figured you wouldn't." Toni said, and before the man could blink Toni had pulled a move her ex (Jazz, a police officer, a little crazy) taught her. 

The guy looked baffled as to how he went from holding the gun to Toni having the gun on him. 

"Prick," Toni said, before pistol whipping him, knocking him.

"Toni," Shelby scolded, though there was no real bite behind it. 

"What? He was dangerous." Toni shrugged, taking the magazine from the gun and setting it on the ground. "I'm gonna lift her, you keep pressure on her wound, we'll hand her off to Leah and I'll come back for this dick wipe, good?" 

Shelby nodded, and Toni counted down from three before heaving her up and into her arms. 

Shelby looked a little unsure when Toni turned to head back inside, but Toni nodded, batting at her arm. 

"If it isn't dangerous it's boring, huh?" Toni said before disappearing into the smoke. 

The guy was harder to move, since he was a dead weight, but Toni managed to get him on her shoulders, groaning as she used all the strength she had to stand. 

It was Deke that was there to take the guy from her through the window, Toni clambering out after him. 

The medics were already gone with the woman and Deke was dealing with the guy so Toni headed for the truck, pulling off her respiratory mask as she did so. 

"Shelby told us what happened." Jamie said as Toni pulled off her jacket. 

"I didn't break anyone's nose." Toni grinned at her mum, who rolled her eyes. 

"In spite of the assault you handled it well. Good job, today."

Toni pushed her lips together to fend off the smile, nodding. "Thanks, ma."

"Your mom is makin' some Key lime pie or somethin' tonight, do  _ not  _ bail like you did on Friday, okay?" 

Toni nodded again. "Okay."

Toni was laying in her bunk, messing around on her phone when Shelby got back, slipping into the room quietly, probably figuring Toni was asleep, but she gave a little smile when she spotted that she wasn't. 

"Hey," Shelby greeted, hopping up onto her top bunk bed, across and one down from Toni 

"Hey," Toni turned onto her front, arms wrapped around her pillow, face pressed into it. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, fine." Shelby nodded, "Never had a gun pointed at me before."

"Don't get that kinda excitement in Texas?" 

"Not in the tiny town I'm from, no." Shelby moved to lie down, basically mirroring Toni. 

"Well, you're in for it here, Texas. Busy and exciting." 

"I'm starting to realise that," Shelby hummed. "Thank you, for earlier."

Toni frowned. "What?" 

"Dealing with that guy," Shelby clarified. 

"Oh, it's fine, it was nothing."

"Even if you did break his nose." Shelby grinned behind her pillow and Toni laughed. 

"He was a danger to us, I couldn't turn my back on him."

"I know," Shelby nodded. "I'll tell them as much if it gets investigated."

"It won't, not after what he did." 

Shelby hummed and nodded. "You napping?" 

"Yeah, I think so. I have a few hours left then I'm going to my moms' place for dinner." Toni stretched as she turned onto her side, her back to Shelby. "And my mom is going to smother me 'cause of what happened Friday."

"Sucks, having parents who worry about you." Shelby murmured, sounding mostly like she was joking, but Toni could pick up an edge to her voice. 

"She's making key lime pie, don't y'all love that in the south?" Toni put on a Southern lilt to her voice, and she heard Shelby chuckled behind her. "I'll bring you some tomorrow."

"Looking forward to it."

Toni did nap, and, thankfully, there was no calls so she actually got a pretty decent sleep before she was being gently shook awake. 

"Five more minutes." Toni grumbled against the pillow, moving away from the insistent hand. "No."

"It's six and you are due at your parents in an hour."

That got Toni moving, almost startling awake. " _ Six?"  _

"Yeah, your ma came in to wake you up when you're shift was over but she said just to wake you when my shift was over." Shelby shrugged, shouldering her bag as she straightened.

Toni groaned, falling back against the mattress and covering her face with her hands. 

"Fuck it, I'm going like this, I can't be dicked going home to shower and change." Toni said, throwing herself off the bed. 

"You sure have a way with words, Shalifoe." 

Toni threw Shelby a grin as she laced her boots. "Gens Z's shakespeare."

Shelby snored and rolled her eyes, but Toni could see the fondness in it. "Yeah, if Shakespeare was a teenage boy with the mouth of a sailor."

"If you're trying to charm me back into bed it's working." Toni stood, a cocky sway to her shoulders, chin tilted up, smirk on her lips. 

"Oh, honey, I would be lockin' this door if you didn't have a standin' dinner date." Shelby really laid on the accent thick, touching Toni's shoulder in a way Toni had experienced countless times before. 

Yet, she never got flustered before. 

Her cheeks never got all that hot way, and she had never been at a loss for words. 

She's never just stared back at the girl with a look she was sure Shelby understood. 

"You're a fuckin' tease, Texas." She finally managed to say, taking another step toward Shelby, her eyes dropping to Shelby's lips. 

But then she registered Shelby taking a step back, bracing herself against the door and Toni stopped dead. 

"Sorry, am I-" 

"No, I just didn't want the door to make a noise when you kiss me against it." Shelby shrugged, coy, an infuriatingly little smile on her lips. 

"I've got somewhere to be," Toni said, but she still advanced on Shelby, who reached down and clicked the lock. 

"Guess we'd better hurry." Shelby gave a half shrug, readily accepting Toni when she threw herself against Shelby, their lips crashing together, earning Toni an almost pained groan. 

Toni did make it to dinner, but an hour late and a little dishevelled, Dani didn't pick up on it, putting it down to Toni haven't just been asleep, but Jamie arched an eyebrow at Toni from the table. 

"I told her to wake you up to get you here on time." Jamie commented quiet as Toni walked past her to leave the kitchen. 

"That only gave me an hour, I had other shit to do." Toni shrugged easily. 

"Go shower and get changed, dinner'll be ready in a half hour."

Dani did end up smothering her, and Toni let herself enjoy it, as much as she grumbled about it. 

Shelby enjoyed the pie the following day. 

Leah gave her a funny look after watching Toni give her the pie. 


	3. Chapter 3

Toni wasn't dealing with what happened poorly, she was just having nightmares, it was to be expected.

But it was starting to take its toll, Toni was exhausted and people were starting to notice.

First it was Martha, actually came over to her place and just told Toni she was staying the night. 

Toni knew then that Martha knew everything, which wasn't a surprise, no one knew Toni better than Martha. No one had been around as long as Martha.

It wasn't long before Dani got ahold of her, and Toni ended up crying in her mom's arms because she kept seeing that fucking kid, watching her with desperate eyes, and Toni had to just  _ sit there _ until she took her last breath. 

Leah cornered her at the station and told her she would come over and cuddle Toni to sleep herself if she didn't sort herself out. 

Then, completely blindsiding Toni, came Shelby. 

Toni was at home, a few beers deep and watching basketball when there was a knock on her door. 

She hadn't been expecting anyone but a few of her friends were subject to just dropping by unannounced. 

But not Shelby. 

Which was why Toni was so taken aback when she opened the door to Shelby, holding a paper bag and a taco bell bag. 

"Hi," Toni chuckled, leaning her weight against the door frame. And she watched Shelby check her out, Toni dressed in a grey vest and her flannel pyjama bottoms. "Thanks, but I'm afraid I have no way of paying you. Unless…" 

"Fuck off," Shelby huffed, shoving Toni aside, and Toni couldn't not laugh, stumbled back into the door lightly as she allowed Shelby past. 

"I've got beer and top shelf whiskey, we're getting drunk." Shelby said when Toni joined her in the living room, Shelby unpacking all the alcohol and snacks. 

"I'm already three beers ahead." Toni moved to sit back down, motioning for Shelby to take a seat. "But we're watching the game."

Shelby agreed, and, at first, Toni thought Shelby was just there to hang out, maybe for sex, but there was an odd tenderness to her that made Toni wonder if that was all that was going on. 

The game finished, but by then Toni had had three glasses of whiskey, and Shelby had been playing catch up, so they were tipsy. 

"You aren't sleeping." Shelby commented, and when Toni glanced over at her she was still staring at the TV. 

"Yeah, so?" Toni felt automatically defensive. 

"It's not healthy." Shelby shrugged, turning to Toni. "Or safe. For you, for anyone working with you."

"I'm good at my job," 

"You are, I didn't once say you weren't." Shelby agreed. "What's goin' on, Toni?" 

Toni wondered briefly if Shelby purposely, thickened her accent because she knew Toni melted a little every time. 

"What'd you mean?" 

"You're not sleeping, you're being reckless, and you're just not… you, I guess." 

"Do you know enough about me to know that I'm not being me?" 

"I think I do." Shelby hummed. "Look, Toni, I don't want a fight. If you don't wanna talk about it, we won't, but I don't like the thought of you struggling in silence."

"I'm not struggling with shit, I'm fine." Toni snapped, teeth bared, but Shelby didn't look taken aback or worried, she just nodded, patient. 

"Whiskey?" 

"Sure, yeah." Toni hummed, handing her glass to Shelby without looking at her. 

Toni took the short amount of time Shelby was gone to cool off, because she knew Shelby didn't mean any harm, she knew Shelby wasn't here for the gossip. 

"Thanks," Toni offered Shelby a little smile when she handed her her glass. 

"You wanna stick a horror movie on?" Shelby offered and Toni nodded. 

"Yeah, just pick whatever." 

It took Toni half of the second Saw movie to pluck up the courage to speak. 

"I just keep seeing her eyes." She spoke softly, so soft she was worried Shelby didn't hear her, but Shelby just turned to look at Toni patiently. "The life does actually drain from'em, huh?" 

Toni sniffed, wiping her damp eyes on the back of her hand.

"I can't close my eyes for more than a few hours without seeing her, there must have been something I could've done, or should've seen and didn't." Toni was speaking quickly now, hands flying all over the place. "I keep thinking about the mother and father, going home without their kid, how awful that must be, and it's all because I didn't act fast enough."

Toni stopped abruptly when Shelby snagged her hands out of midair, clasping them both in her own. 

"First of all, this is all normal, the guilt, the pain, it's a little thing called empathy." Shelby said with a little smile. "Secondly, it isn't your fault. You're good at your job, you said it yourself, you did the best you could, but sometimes that's just not enough, Toni." 

"That one time I needed it to be enough," Toni snapped, standing quickly, snatching her hands away. "She was just a fucking kid, Shelby, like, maybe not even a teenager, where is the justice in that. Ask your fucking god how he could allow a kid to bleed to death in rubble, fucking terrified. That's not fair."

"It isn't," Shelby agreed, ever calm. "It was an accident, those things happened, you did everything you could."

"No, I could have gotten in there faster, or stopped the bleeding better. Something, there  _ has  _ to have been something."

"There wasn't, and sometimes this happens, Toni, you know this." Shelby stood, standing in front of Toni, tucking her curling flyaway hairs behind her ears. 

Toni let herself enjoy the comfort of it, her muscles uncoiling slightly. 

"Awful things happen to good people, and I'm sorry you had to be there to witness that." 

"She was so scared." Toni breathed, now that she had relaxed even slightly she could feel the exhaustion kicking in. "And there was fuck all I could do about it."

Shelby nodded slowly, understanding, because of course Shelby understood, she was a medic, she lost people daily. 

"I'm sorry," Toni sniffed, pulling her face out of Shelby's grip and sitting again, her head in her hands. "I don't know why it's affecting me so much, I've lost people before, you lose people daily."

"Yeah, but some of them hit you differently, Toni. Especially ones like this, where you are powerless to help." Shelby said. "Do you wanna keep drinkin', or do you wanna watch a movie and have some dinner?" 

"All of the above. Let's keep drinking and go cook, then we'll watch a movie."

Shelby smiled and nodded, "Deal."

Shelby ended up making them whiskey sour cocktails as Toni prepared dinner.

Toni had honestly expected them to get drunk and fall into bed together, and they did, but not in the sense Toni expected. 

They had headed to bed after their third movie and Toni couldn't even tell you how much alcohol. But they weren't kissing, there was no real sexual tension around them, not right now. 

Instead, Toni was on her front, arms wrapped around her pillow, head facing Shelby, who was on her side facing Toni. 

"How are you feeling?" Shelby spoke quietly, enough moonlight streaming into the window to just barely illuminated Toni's face. 

Toni shrugged. "Shit but I can deal."

"Okay," Shelby hummed, then nodded. "But if you ever can't deal, you know where to find me."

After that night they went from being work mates who occasionally fucked to friends. 

Like, proper friendship like she had with Leah, and Marty, and the other girls at the firehouse.

They would still flirt, lingering touches and looks that were mostly flirtatious, and there were some times that had Toni wondering what Shelby was thinking. 

She never asked, she had a feeling that was a whole can of worms she didn't want to open. 

Toni didn't do feelings, and she was already a little freaked at the fact she was as affected by Shelby as she was. 

She didn't like that her heart would race at any little touch from Shelby, or how she would honest to god blush when Shelby complimented her. 

It was all so stupid and Toni hated it. 

After what happened the shift she was about to have, Toni kinda wished that was all she had to worry about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are, like, mad sweet with your comments, thank you!
> 
> Come talk to me about this or anything else,   
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kid comments!
> 
> Come talk to me  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

It was kind of a standard accident, a crash between two cars, one had flipped and was teetering on the edge of a bridge. 

The squad got there just in time, Toni hitting the ground running before the truck had even stopped. She managed to get a grip of the bumper, but it was slowly leaning over the bridge, lifting Toni with it. 

"She's going over," Toni yelled, desperate, and she could see the people inside, two in the front, both awake, and one in the back, but she couldn't see them to tell if they were awake or not. 

"We need to anchor this thing, use the lampposts." Jamie ordered as she came up alongside Toni, Leah and Rachel doing the same. 

They managed to get the car stabilised, and Toni rushed over to the other car while Jamie and the rest of squad started working on the car teetering on the edge. 

Toni just barely got to the car before the police officer, yanking the door open, and it was immediately obvious what was going on. 

The smell of liquor hit Toni so hard that she took a step backward. "Jesus fucking christ." she grumbled, reaching in to grab the man, only partially conscious, and heaving him out of the car. 

She practically threw him at the oncoming officer. 

"Field test this prick and get him in cuffs." Toni snapped, heading back toward the car everyone was working on to help out. 

It was all kind of full on from there, they got the two in the front out, struggling a little more to get their teenage daughter from the back. 

But they got her out, and the medics carted her to the hospital. 

"Where'd the dude from this car go?" Toni asked the police officer that had booked the man, peering inside the car to see it cleaned out. 

"To the hospital, took a pretty hard knock to the head." he said. 

"And did you bag the cans, field test him?" Toni asked, and the man's silence told Toni everything. "Are you fucking stupid? Get him tested _now_ , and get that prick in cuffs."

The officer swallowed, glancing back toward the group of officers. "Look, the kid in that car, it was Captain Quint's kid. There's nothing I can do."

Toni blinked a few times, allowing that to sink in. She looked over at the group, and laughing and smiling with the man in the middle, Quint, apparently. 

Then he made eye contact with her, and Toni knew he knew she was the one that saw what happened, saw his son drunk.

And he just smiled at her, nudging her head in a greeting. 

"Scumbag," Toni snapped, turning her eyes back to the officer, who at least looked sheepish. "Spineless dick."

Toni was quiet for the rest of the shift, and everyone noticed, deciding keeping their distance. Until Jamie found her. 

"You doing alright, kid? You've been quiet." Jamie said, sitting down on the sofa beside Toni, who was slouched down, watching the Lakers game. 

"Fine," Toni shrugged, her eyes not leaving the TV. 

"Jeez, flash back to your teenage years." Jamie teased and Toni found herself smiling. "What's going on, pal?" 

Toni thought about telling Jamie, but Jamie wasn't her mother in this situation, she was her lieutenant, she was the one who would have to deal with this, and Toni didn't want to mess up her chances at chef. 

"Nothing, Ma, really." Toni smiled. "I'm just tired." 

Jamie nodded, patting Toni's leg. "When you wanna talk you know where to find me."

Toni, instead, went and found Leah, in her bunk reading. 

"Can we talk?" Toni opened with, but Leah barely blinked. 

"You're too good for me, Toni, I'd ruin you. But we can fuck if you want to." Leah said, monotone and not looking away from her book.

"I think the cops are covering up what happened today."

_That_ got Leah's attention, at first she peered over her book, probably trying to gauge if Toni was serious, then lowered it when she saw the look on Toni's face. 

"What'd you mean?" 

"I saw the cans there, and he was drunk, the whole car smelled of it." Toni said, and she began pacing. "Apparently he's Captain Quint's son, or whatever."

"Quint?" Leah clarified as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. 

"You know'um?" 

"Everyone knows him, Toni." Leah frowned. "He went undercover for years in a gang, came away more paly-paly with them than anything else."

Tomi laughed, humourlessly. "A dirty cop."

"Not just dirty, Toni. He's dangerous."

"So, what? The squarmy wee kid just gets away scot free?" Toni snapped. "No fuckin' way." 

"Sometimes you gotta pick your battles, Toni." Leah said. "I will support you either way, you know this, but I've heard stories about this guy, you don't wanna be messing around with him if you can help it. I'm worried for your safety here."

Toni nodded. "Right, yeah."

"Come nap with me," 

Toni shook her head. "Nah, I think I'm gonna head to the gym."

And she did, spending the next hour and a half just laying into the punching bag, sweat dripping down her back and brow. 

She was so far in her head she almost screamed when she was hit in the face with a towel, but, thankfully, she didn't give Shelby the satisfaction of that. 

"Can I help you, Goodkind?" Toni threw the towel back at Shelby, before turning to continue her assault on the bag. 

"I'm just enjoying the view." Shelby said, and Toni glanced back to see her just stared at Toni, completely unabashed. 

"You're a sleaze, Texas." Toni threw back, but she was smiling and that's what Shelby wanted. 

"You good?" Shelby asked, and Toni sighed, letting the bag swing, catching it on it was back to her and resting her forehead on the cool leather. 

"How about we don't talk?" Toni whirled around to Shelby, who eyed her carefully. 

"You want me to leave, or you wanna join me in the equipment cupboard?" Shelby asked, nudging her head toward the door. "'cause there's two ways I can take that no talkin' thing, Shalifoe."

Toni eyed her for a second, it had been a while since they'd had sex, and they hadn't had sex in weeks sober. But Toni found herself nodding, deciding to allow herself this one fun thing. "Cupboard,"

Thankfully, no one found them, but just as they finished -Toni still with Shelby sitting on the equipment box, legs wrapped around Toni's waist as they kissed- they heard a few of the crew come into the gym and start working out. 

"Fuck," Toni murmured, turning to Shelby, who looked both unsure and mischievous. 

"I'm not gonna be the one staying in here until they leave."

"Me either," Toni shook her head. "I've got shit to do."

"Guess we both leave together, then." Shelby shrugged, grabbing Toni's braces and pulling her in again. "Let's keep kissing for a while, though." 

Toni grinned, she was definitely up for that. 

Shelby peeked out first, just to make sure it wasn't Jamie in there, but opened the door completely when she spotted Dot, Fatin and Leah. 

The three of them turned to look at Toni and Shelby as they left the cupboard, both very clearly dishevelled. 

"Guys," Toni nodded her head, hands in her pockets as she strolled out, looked all too cocky, but Shelby looked almost sheepish as she waved. 

She heard the girls giggle and call things after then, but she ignored them, heading toward the bathroom. 

"See you later, Goodkind." Toni gave a little salute as she turned to leave, but Shelby grabbed her hand, stopping her dead. 

"I know you don't wanna talk, but if you do, call me. Any time, Toni, day or night."

"Right," Toni nodded once, giving Shelby a tight smile. "Cheers."

Shelby chuckled slightly. "It always sounds weird when you say English slang. I'm so used to hearing Jamie say it." 

"Sometimes I forget because I hear it so often that it isn't common over here." Toni admitted. "Serious, though, thanks for checking in."

"I mean if that's what checking in with you entails then I'll definitely be checking in more often." Shelby teased, smiling when Toni huffed out a little laugh. "Something's goin' on, Toni, I can tell. And it happened on scene today, I just don't know what it was."

Toni rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. She could lie to Shelby here, tell her to back off and Shelby would immediately, but a huge part of her just wanted to spill it all to Shelby. 

"You wanna come over?" Toni asked and Shelby blinked, surprised. 

"Wasn't the cupboard enough?" 

"Not for that, it's a story I don't wanna get into here." Toni said quietly, and Shelby frowned. 

"Are you in trouble?" 

"Not yet," Toni answered. "Besides, you make the best whiskey sour and I'm off tomorrow."

Shelby nodded. "Sure, I finish at six, I can come over after."

Toni nodded, slipping her hand from Shelby. "See you then,"

Toni had already made dinner by the time Shelby arrived, just plating it out when there was a knock on her door. 

"Perfect timing, I hope you like lasagne." Toni said, and Shelby hummed, leaning on the counter as she watched Toni. "There's beer in the fridge if you want it." 

They ended up drunk, lying on Toni's floor, in front of the sofa. 

"So, the crash today, the driver was drunk." Toni said. "But he's the captain Quint's son, so they're covering it up."

"Fuck," 

"Yeah, I mean, everyone survived, right?" Toni reasoned. "Leah said he's dangerous."

"Toni," Shelby sighed, eyes sad and Toni knew exactly what kind of thing was about to come out of her mouth. "They don't think that kid's gonna walk again."

And it was like ice cold water washed over Toni then, and she had made her decision without even really thinking about it. "I have to call my ma."

"Hey," Shelby stopped her with a hand on her arm. "It's midnight, we'll go tomorrow, yeah?" 

Toni nodded, running her hands over her face. 

"I know Quint. Or I've heard stories at least." Shelby said, shaking her head slightly. "You need to tread carefully here. Are you- is it worth whatever he will bring down on you?" 

Toni nodded, jaw tense. "Definitely."

That made Shelby smile, and suddenly Toni was being kissed, a slow, soft kiss, and Toni melted into it.

It was over in a few seconds, like it had never happened at all, really, and if Toni had it in her to really think about it she'd realise just how odd the kiss was, considering their dynamic of friends who fuck.

But she didn't overthink it, couldn't, her brain all consumed by Shelby. 

\--

Jamie didn't look at all surprised when Toni walked into her office the following morning, even though she knew she wasn't working. 

"You alright, pal?" Jamie asked, and Toni shook her head slowly. 

"Something happened the yesterday," 

Jamie listened attentively as Toni relayed the story to her. 

"Everyone's saying he's dangerous, Jay." Toni said. 

"He is. Dirty cop, hurt a lot of people, including some of his own." Jamie nodded. "He's going to come after you, and this house, you know that, right?" 

Toni nodded. "The kid he hurt might not walk again, Ma."

"But she's alive," 

"And, what, that's just supposed to be enough?" Toni scowled. "She's just started her life and part of that was just taken from her by some fucking loser kid. He's not getting off with this one, ma."

Jamie gave a little smile and stood, Toni doing the same. "Proud of you, pal." She said as she hugged Toni. "Let's go talk to the chef, huh? Get your statement sorted."

They headed into Viola's office, and Viola was on their side immediately, sitting Toni down and talking her through her report and statement. 

"You're gonna have to get up and testify, Toni." Viola said, when they finished the statement. "He's gonna make your life a living hell, probably your moms', too."

Toni nodded, confident though a little afraid. "Yeah, no. I get that."

"Okay," Viola nodded as she picked up the statement. "I will fax this over now."

Toni nodded once as she stood, heading for the door. 

"Shalifoe?" Toni turned back to Viola, who was giving her a barely there smile. "Good job."

"Thanks, chef."

Shelby was the only one waiting outside, and Toni knew why, she heard the call for rescue while she was in the office, Jamie had to go. 

"All good?" 

"Yeah," Toni nodded, moving closer to whisper. "She makes me feel super nervous, it's like when you're a kid and you had a crush on a teacher."

That made Shelby laugh. "Fatin texted, see if we wanted to hang out with them at her place."

Toni agreed, because getting drunk with some of her closest friends was exactly what she needed right now. 

It took a few drinks (and a hand full of shots) to get Toni out of her head enough to actually have fun. 

They drank, they ate pizza, they played a very competitive game of Mario Kart that almost ha Toni and Fatin fighting. 

They finally broke off to do their own things; Leah and Fatin going to play pool, Rachel and Dot were still playing Mario Kart, and Shelby, Martha and Nora were playing a Sherlock board game.

Toni slipped into the back yard, keeping the light off and the drapes closed as she took a seat on the sunlounger, legs crossed. 

Toni stared up at the stars, something she would always do when she was anxious or overwhelmed. 

She was getting herself into a lot of trouble to change something that would have no real affect on the outcome of the crash, that kid is still never gonna walk again. 

Which, yeah, if the Quint kid learned anything from this then maybe Toni would be a bit more willing to keep her mouth shut if only to keep Dani and Jamie safe. 

But Toni knew what white boys with rich daddies did, and it wasn't learn from their fucking actions, she couldn't not say anything, it would eat her up for the rest of her life when he inevitably hurt someone else, if not worse. 

Toni glanced back at the door when she heard it slide open, offering Shelby a little smile. 

"What're you doing out here?" Shelby asked, sitting at the foot of the lounger Toni was on. 

"Just needed a minute," 

"You second guessing everything?" Shelby questioned, no judgement.

Toni shook her head. "No. I just-trying to file it all up in my head, get it straight, ya know?" 

"Yeah, it's been a lot for you recently."

"It's been a lot since I was a kid." Toni laughed, shrugged. "I dunno, I guess I'm really pissed off and don't really know what to do about it. All this, cause some kid couldn't just grab a cab."

"He's exactly the kinda kid you expect to do this, too. Powerful father, got money. White." Shelby said. "I want to feed you the bullshit they feed you during training, about how you need to depersonalise yourself. Sometimes you can't, and sometimes you're gonna be angry, or hurt, or upset." 

"How do you deal with it, then?" Toni asked, playing with her fingers as she peered over at Shelby, head tilted, one eye closed in the way she would whenever she was out of her comfort zone. 

Shelby shrugged. "I'll let you know when I do."

Toni chuckled, standing and offering Shelby her hand. "Come on, let go beat Leah and Fatin at pool before they inevitable sneak off to fuck."

That surprised Shelby. "Leah and Fatin?" 

"Mm, been dancing around each other for a few while now." Toni rolled her eyes, pulling Shelby to her feet. "Bisexuals, nightmare sometimes."

Shelby laughed, gently pushing Toni toward the house. 


	5. Chapter 5

Toni was outside playing basketball alone two days later when Captain Quint approached her for the first time. 

"You must be Toni, right?" came a gruff, Scottish accent. 

Toni stopped and turned to the man, dread settling in her stomach at his fucking smile. 

"I think you know who I am, Captain Quint."

Peter nodded, jamming his thumb toward the bar across the street. "Drink? I'd like to have a chat."

Toni glanced at the bar, knowing it was such a bad fucking idea, but she nodded anyway. "Sure, I'm almost finished, anyway."

Peter was squarmy, as so clearly trying to butter Toni up, but then he started to realise Toni wasn't scared easily, so he started laying it on a little thicker. 

"My kid wouldn't do well in prison, Toni, you get that, right?" 

"S'nothing to do with me," Toni shrugged. 

"But it is, you could retract the statement. This could ruin his life."

Toni felt anger rise in her chest. "You know what happened to the other kid?" 

"Yeah," 

"Yeah. Never gonna walk again, went from cross country champ to a wheelchair, all because your kid decided to drive drunk."

"He made a mistake."

Toni chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. "What you're asking me to do-"

"I'm not fucking asking, kid." Peter snapped, hands slamming down on the table, standing to tower over Toni, who just stared up at him, lips pulled back in a sneer. "That's your ma, right, the lieutenant? And what's the other one called… Danielle, right? A teacher." 

"You keep my fucking family outta this," Toni warned, and Peter smirked. 

"I like you, kid." She said. "Shame we don't see eye to eye."

It was then the door opened, and Toni didn't look at first, but when she saw Peter's scowl slightly, and she turned to see Viola strolling in, sitting down right beside their table. 

"Chef," Peter greeted. "This is a private conversation, would you mind."

Viola stared him down, not an ounce of fear in her eyes. "I would, actually."

Peter scowled, turning to Toni as he drained his drink. He then stood, slowing as he passed Toni. "I'll see ya real soon, kid."

Viola glared at Peter until he left the bar, turning her eyes to Toni. "You good?" 

Toni nodded. "I'm not retracting my statement, chef."

Viola nodded, an almost proud smile playing on the corner of her lips.

"He motioned Dani, Chef."

"Does Dani know? About all this?" 

"Nah, Jamie and I didn't wanna worry her." 

"Well, he brought her into it, I think it's time you looped her in."

Toni nodded. "I'll talk to Jamie tonight."

"Do. And come to me if anything else happens, okay?" 

"Sure, chef."

\--

Jamie agreed that they should bring Dani in on what was going on. 

Dani, surprisingly, didn't freak out, she was surprisingly level headed with it all, even told Toni she was doing the right thing and that she was proud of her. 

Toni knew then that all of this was going to be worth it. 

Especially when the father dropped by the station the following day with a cake the wife and daughter had made. 

"How is everyone?" Jamie had asked, and Toni honestly dreaded the answer. 

"Yeah, good, Chloe realised there's a way to play tennis in a wheelchair, so that's the focus right now." he said with a smile that slowly slipped away. "There is something weird, though." 

"Weird how?" Toni asked, and she could feel the few people who knew exactly what was going on watching her. 

"Well, the police report came back and its says I ran a stop sigh and caused the accident." the man explained. "I wouldn't. My father died beside me from running a stop sign."

Toni felt her blood fucking boil at that. Not only had this kid caused an accident so bad someone won't walk again but his father is also making it so the family will in no way get help because they caused the accident. 

"Don't worry," Jamie offered the man a smile, a hand on his shoulder. "We're looking into it."

The man nodded. "Thank you. I have to get going, we're having a fundraiser for the ramp we need installed at home." 

"That's fucked up." Toni grumbled, as she turned to Leah. "Your dad still got that construction company?" 

"Less a company, more one guy with a bunch of tools." Leah shrugged. 

"Okay, we're not doing anything here, right?" Toni addresses her mom. "Why don't we head to home depot, get everything we need, build these guys a ramp while they're at this fundraiser?"

Jamie smiled at Toni, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "I like your thinking, pal. What'd you say, guys? Do you want to build a ramp?" 

They took the rigs, filling when up with wood and whatever else they needed while Leah headed to her father's to grab his tools.

A few of the neighbours had gathered by the time Toni and the rest of rescue got there, chatting with the firefighters and medics, even agreeing to make sure the family didn't arrive home before it was finished. 

"You ever built anything like this before?" Shelby asked, and Toni didn't miss the way her eyes ran the length of her, like Shelby had never seen her in her slacks and polo shirt. 

"Not one this big, but my aunt Nell broke her neck a few years back, and we built her a ramp of her own." Toni explained, waving her hand. "She's fine now, back on her feet."

"Well, at least you know what you're doing."

"You never touched a tool, princess?" 

"I have," Shelby side eyed Toni, soft smirk on her lips. "But I was sixteen and he was a horny teenage boy."

That made Toni laugh. "Shelby Goodkind, before marriage?" she gasped playfully. 

"You didn't mind premarital sex when you were involved in it, Shalifoe."

"Yeah, but at least I'm worth going to hell for." Toni grinned over her shoulder at a laughing Shelby, heading over to Leah's fathers truck to help out. 

The day was a quiet one, with only the medics being called away regularly, and truck only being called once, meaning Toni, Leah, Jamie and Rachel could get the ramp finished before the sun began setting. 

Toni could feel Shelby watching her whenever she was around, especially after Toni took off her polo and began working in a vest top. 

And Toni made sure to put on a show, to the point that Dani playfully chastised her for teasing Shelby. 

They had just finished painting the ramp the same color of the house when the family pulled up. 

They were initially panicked, wondering why all the emergency services were at their home, but when they saw the ramp the mother immediately broke down crying. 

Toni let Jamie and the rest of the girls take the lead talking to the family, it was never really something Toni was good at, so she started packing everything away instead. 

"I hear you're the one who built this for us," 

Toni turned to see the mother standing there, cuts still littering her face but she was smile. 

"Toni, ma'am." Toni greeted with a smile as she shook her head. "And I just came up with the idea, if anything I slacked off and let everyone else do the hard work."

The woman laughed softly. "Thank you, Toni. You have no idea how much this means to all of us."

Toni nodded. "Of course, ma'am."

"We also got a call today, not long after Harry left your station. Apparently they're looking into the possibility of a cover up, something to do with a firefighters testimony." She said. "It can't be easy to go up against something like that, with your own people, but thank you." 

"We'll get him for it, ma'am, I promise."

The woman nodded, then pulled Toni in for a hug. "Thank you, I hope you're staying for dinner? I insist."

"Toni," Jamie called, jabbing her thumb toward the truck. "Call."

"Always happens at the worst times." Toni rolled her eyes. "But thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something different than I'm used to, this fic in general, I just feels different writing it so I'm always a little unsure whenever I post so it would be really good to hear what you guys think.
> 
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Toni's shift had finished well over an hour ago, but she was waiting on her parents, and the game was on, so she ended up perched on the counter in the kitchen watching the game, snacking on whatever her fingers came into contact with. 

"That was easily a fucking foul." Toni yelled at the TV, almost jumping when someone chuckled just to her left. "What're you doing creeping around, Goodkind?" 

"I wasn't, I just got back from a call, shifts finished. I was wondering why you were still here, because so is yours?" Shelby asked, coming to stand beside Toni, leaning back against the counter. 

"I'm waiting on my parents, I'm having dinner at their place today." Toni explained. "You coming to the barbecue on Saturday?" 

Shelby nodded. "You? Are you working?" 

"Nope, you?" 

"Just until two."

"Well, I'll be sure to save you a beer or two." Toni said, and Shelby chuckled. 

"I'll just bring a hipflask of fire ball."

Toni laughed. "Okay, country hick."

"Rude," Shelby scowled. "You won't be saying that when your beer gets warm or runs out, and this country hick is the only one with alcohol."

"I'm sure I can steal it from you." Toni grinned, chin tilted up, turning her eyes back to the TV. 

"Who's playing?" 

"Raptors and Celtics," 

"Either one your team?" 

"Nah, I'm a bucks fan, but if the Celtics win they overtake us in the league." Toni said. "So, we're rooting for the raptors."

"Okay," Shelby nodded, sliding up onto the counter beside Toni. "And the Celtics are…" 

"In the green." Toni offered. "You don't have to stay, it's obvious you don't like basketball."

"I've never bothered watching it to know if I like it or not." Shelby shrugged. "Good job I have a basketball prodigy here to teach me."

"I'll have you screaming at the TV in no time, Tex."

And she did, by the time Dani and Jamie appeared, ready to leave, both Shelby and Toni were yelling at the TV, claiming the referee was biased. 

"Who's winning?" Dani asked, moving to stand beside Toni while Jamie finished getting her things together. 

"Raptors but not by much." Toni answered, not even flinching when Dani reached up to fix her hair, letting the woman braid it without even thinking much about it. 

She also missed the soft smile Shelby had at the sight of the two of them. 

"You ready to go?" 

"It's halftime in five minutes, ma. Then we can go."

"What are you up to tonight, Shelby?" Dani asked. 

"Nothin'," Shelby shrugged. "Probably go home and relax." 

"Well, you are more than welcome to join us," Dani offered. 

"We always make too much food, anyway." Jamie added, and Shelby looked at Toni just as Toni glanced at her. 

Toni shrugged, "Come. Dani makes amazing pie."

Shelby nodded. "Sure," 

"Okay, quick, let's go." Toni said when the whistle blew, grabbing her jacket and keys. "You ride with me, Tex, I'll see you guys there."

Toni didn't necessarily speed, she wasn't necessarily reckless, but Shelby could tell she was in a rush to get home. 

"This home is beautiful," Shelby said when they got inside, but Toni didn't play her much attention, heading straight for the living room and turning the TV on. 

They'd missed the first five minutes but the scores were the same so Toni wasn't overly bothered. 

"Help yourself to beer," Toni said. "And get me one, too."

Shelby laughed, heading in the direction of the kitchen just as Toni's parents got home. 

"She send you to get her a beer?" Dani asked fondly, and Shelby rolled her eyes. 

"Worded it like she was doing me a favour." Shelby said. "I was warned about her, ya know? From a few of the girls at the station, told to be careful because she can be quite charming."

As if on que, Toni's voice rang through the house. "That's fucking bullshit." 

"Language," Dani called back, and there was a brief pause. 

"Sorry, mom."

"Yeah, there's something oddly charming about the two of them. I think they're good people, and you can tell that within a few minutes of knowing them, that's part of the charm." Dani had a fond smile on her lips, and Shelby couldn't not smile as she reached into the fridge for four beers. 

"Yeah, she acts tough, but I've only been here a few months and I can see it's all an act." Shelby said, standing and offering Dani two of the beers. 

"Thank you," Dani smiled. "Yeah, it's something Jamie and Toni have in common." 

"Have you and Jamie been together long?" Shelby asked. 

"Twenty four years," Dani answered, taking a sip of her beer. 

"What the fuck," a voice yelled from the living room, Jamie's this time. 

Dani rolled her eyes. "They're so alike it's a nightmare sometimes."

"How about I take these into them and come help you cook?" Shelby offered. 

"You don't have to do that, Shelby."

"It's okay, I'm not a fan of basketball, anyway." Shelby waved her off. 

Toni barely looked at her when she handed her her beer, but turned to peer over her shoulder when Shelby didn't sit. 

"You leaving?" she asked. 

"Nah, I'm helping Dani with dinner." Shelby motioned over her shoulder. "I'll leave you two to yell at the TV." 

Toni nodded, watching Shelby leave, doing a double take when she went to look away and noticed Jamie was looking at her. 

"What?" 

"What what?" Jamie shrugged, but she was smirking and Toni knew exactly what she was thinking. 

"It's nothing like that."

"Like what?" Jamie said, looking infuriatingly innocent. 

"Fuck off," 

"Language," Dani's voice drifted from the kitchen, making Jamie cackle. 

"How does she hear me from in there?" Toni whispered. 

"Trust me kid, she heard everything. I'd say shit under my breath when we first started dating and she'd hear me every time."

Dinner was nice, Shelby and Dani seemed to have bonded in the time it took for them to make dinner. There were times Toni found herself just watching Shelby as she bantered with her parents, or got all flustered when Jamie and Dani mothered her. And Toni would just fucking smile, this warm feeling in her chest that wasn't entirely unpleasant but she didn't fucking want it.

They ended up watching a movie after dinner, some chick flick Dani picked, Toni wasn't paying much attention, both her and Shelby in the station group chat chatting with the girls, exchanging looks and smiles across the room every so often. 

They left not long after ten, Toni all but dead on her feet as she headed out to her truck, waving over her shoulder at her parents as she went. 

"Your parents are, like, so lovely." Shelby said as they pulled out of the driveway. 

"Yeah, they're great." Toni nodded, turning in her seat slightly to lean against the door, elbow on the windowsill, playing with her bottom lip. 

Then she glanced over at Shelby, who was messing around with the radio, and Toni was hit with this need to just not be alone right now. 

With everything going on, Toni figured that was fair. 

"Do you wanna come over?" Toni asked. "Alcohol and great British bake off?" 

Shelby turned to look at her, not quite surprised by the offer but there was something there Toni's couldn't put her finger on. 

"Sure, that sounds nice." 

And it was, both of them falling asleep, tucked under Toni's weighted blanket on the sofa. 


	7. Chapter 7

The shift was boring. Toni spent most of it napping or working out. It was nights, and nights are usually far less exciting.

"Hey Toni," Fatin greeted, and Toni did not like the look in her eyes. "Guess what I saw today?" 

"Fatin, don't." Leah argued, but it was half hearted at best.

"What?"

"Your moms in your mom's office," Fatin smirked, and that told Toni exactly what she was saying. "Your mom came out looking a little… Tousled."

"Dude," Toni scowled while the crew in the room laughed. "Fuck off, they would never."

"Toni," Toni lifted her eyes to see Nora standing in the doorway, looking sheepish. "Somethings wrong with your truck."

That made Toni frown, not even bothering to grab her jacket with her keys in, instead heading right outside. 

Something being wrong with her car meant the windows had been put in, and her backpack with a few useless bits and bobs had been lifted. 

"Fuck," Toni groaned, and the team were throwing around ideas of what could of happened, except Shelby and Leah, who were staring at Toni, knowing exactly who was responsible for this. "I know a girl who works at a garage a few blocks away, I'll call her to come pick it up"

Thankfully, Izzy was awake and willing to come get the car. 

She and Izzy chatted for a while by the car, but a black Audi pulling up a few feet away caught Toni's attention. 

"Thanks for this, Izzy. Really." Toni said, giving her a little smile and nodded toward the car. "I've gotta go."

"I'll call you when it's ready." 

Toni reached the Audi as Quint grabbed something from the backseat, the back tinted window cracked slightly to show Toni the kid inside. 

"This yours?" Quint asked, holding up the backpack. 

"It is," Toni nodded, taking the bag. "How'd you get it?" 

"Caught this little punk runnin' away with it, he said he took it from here."

"Convenient," Toni hummed. "Well, cheers."

"Toni," Peter stopped her from leaving. "I was hoping we could talk? The last time we talked didn't go well."

"Is it about the same kinda stuff?" 

"Yes," 

"Then no," Toni shook her head. "My statement is in, they're investigating already."

That made Peter scowl, whatever attempted her was making to be personable melting away. 

"You think this is going to be the end of it?" he said, taking a step toward Toni, towering over her. But Toni just squared her shoulders. "You have no idea what's coming, kid."

"Toni," Shelby's voice rung from a few feet away, her eyes on Peter, and Toni had never seen so much anger and hatred from Shelby. "Foods ready." 

"Windows are fixable, kid." Peter said, before lowering his voice. "What happens next won't be so easy to fix."

"Are you threatening me, Captain Quint?" Toni tilted her head. 

"I'd say it's more of a promise," Peter said. "And I always deliver on my promises."

Toni watched him leave, waiting until his car disappeared before heading toward Shelby. 

"Hey, you doing okay?" Shelby asked, and Toni nodded, holding up the bag. 

"He was just returning my shit." Toni snapped. "Was clearly him who put my windows in."

"We knew that though, right?" 

"Yeah," Toni hummed, looking back over her shoulder to where Quint had disappeared. 

"Hey," Shelby placed a hand on her shoulder, bringing Toni's attention back to her. "What did he say, Toni?" 

Toni let herself relax into the contact, shrugging. "He threatened me, I guess." 

"You guess?" 

"Well, he did." Toni said, reaching up to squeeze Shelby's hand on her shoulder when she noticed how worried she looked. "Hey, it's fine, I've got it."

"Maybe you shouldn't be alone." Shelby said. 

"If you wanna spend more time with me just say so," Toni fluttered her eyelashes, pressing her palm against Shelby's collarbone, playful. 

But Shelby didn't smile, instead placing a hand over Toni's and squeezing, holding tighter against her chest. "I mean it, Toni, I'm worried about you."

That made Toni soften slightly. "It'll be fine, Shelby. I promise, it'll work out."

"Just don't die, okay? I like your parents and I'd feel weird being around them without you around."

Toni laughed and gently pushed Shelby away. "You're the girly daughter Dani always wanted, they wouldn't mind having you around."

Shelby rolled her eyes, stabling back slightly but kept a hold of Toni's hand. "If you ever want someone to come over call me. Or if you wanna come to my place you can."

Toni nodded, she thought about making a joke but decided against it, because Shelby looked serious. 

"It is gonna be fine, though. It'll work out, right? Always does." Toni gave Shelby a small smile, squeezing her arm. "Have a little faith, yeah? Nothing bad's going to happen. 

Shelby didn't look like she believed Toni, at all, and she was right not to.

\--

It had been a quiet day all round. No calls from rescue, a small bin fire for truck, and a fake call for medical. 

Shelby was enjoying the quiet, she should have known it wouldn't last. 

The alarm blared, and everyone stood to attention, listening. 

Rescue. Truck ninety-six. Medical. Two-two-three Park Avenue, third floor. Multiple injured, multiple missing.

Everybody quickly stood the minute they heard the address, they knew that address. It was Toni's, and Toni wasn't working today, but literally everyone she knew was, and it was four am. 

It was a safe bet she was home, most likely in bed. 

Shelby knew she should've pushed, forced Toni to live with her until this cooled off. 

Everyone took off running, Jamie briefly surveying the building but Shelby knew her mind was on the fact her kid was in there. Everyone's mind was on Toni.

But just as they made an attempt to get into the building Toni came running out, toddler clutched against her chest. 

"I got most of the fire," She panted, stopping to catch her breath. "On my side. But it spread, people are stuck, they gave me the kid and told me to go."

"Fuck," Shelby heard Jamie breathe, wrapping Toni up in a brief hug before running into the building. 

"Let me check you two over," Shelby led Toni over to the ambulance, Toni handing the toddler over to Shelby. 

"Check her, my stuff might be in the rig," Toni turned to leave, but Shelby latched onto her arm. 

"Toni," her voice was stern. "No, you're a liability right now."

Toni opened her mouth to argue, but, thankfully, Dani showed up then, running over to Toni, her hand latching onto Toni's cheeks, even as Toni argued that she was fine. 

"Let Shelby check you over, Toni." Dani ordered, and Toni conceded immediately, sitting down in the rig while Shelby cared for the toddler, having hushed her enough to get her to stop crying. 

"Hey, little Lola." Toni greeted with a smile, playfully jiggling the toddler cheeks. "How are you feeling? Was so stuffy up there, huh?" 

"Uh huh," the little girl sniffed, rubbing her eyes on the back of her hand. "Where's momma and dadda?" 

"They're just coming, pal." Toni said with a smile, nodding her head, holding out her hands toward Lola, who wrapped her little fingers around two of Toni's fingers. "You remember the little birds we had outside our landing window a few months ago?" 

The girl nodded, smiling a little. 

"Yeah, it would wake me up every morning with its awful singing."

The kid gasped, then coughed, Toni rubbing her back comfortingly. 

"Yeah, get it out, kid." Toni cooed softly, and Shelby couldn't not smile at how soft Toni was in that moment. 

It was then the kids parents appeared, Shelby having just finished her checks when the kid almost fell off the stretcher to get to them, thankfully Toni was quick enough to catch her. 

"Easy, little Lola." Toni chuckled, handing the kid off to her parents who frantically fussed over her. 

"Now, let me check you out." Shelby placed a hand on Toni's back, motioning for her to sit. 

And then Shelby started her checks, but she was shaking all of a sudden, her hands quivering. Then Toni's hand covered hers, and when Shelby looked up she was staring her at her a concerned look. 

"You're shaking. You okay?" 

Shelby nodded, but Toni could tell it wasn't a yes, it was a not now. A 'we'll talk later'. 

Toni dropped her hand and let Shelby her back to work, Shelby eventually leaving to help other people. 

Leah was on her as soon as the job was done, wrapping her up in a bone crushing hug, winding Toni. 

"Holy fuck, Rilke." She huffed out, wrapping her arms around Leah. 

"What the fuck happened?" Leah whispered. 

"I dunno," 

"It started with your place, though, right?" 

Toni nodded against Leah's shoulder. "I think it came through the window in the front room, I left it open."

Leah nodded as she pulled back. "Him, right?" 

Toni hummed. "He threatened me the other day." 

"You're moving in with me," Leah said, leaving no room for arguing. Not that Toni would anyway, if it wasn't Leah's it would be her parents place. 

"Cool, yeah." Toni agreed. "But I think I'm going to go to my parents' place tonight." 

Dani took her home while Jamie finished up at work, letting her go for a shower and change before they cuddled up on the sofa, holding Toni far tighter than she normally would. 

"It was him, mom. It had to be." Toni whispered against her mom's collarbone. 

"Yeah, I know, little bear."

Toni felt her bottom lip quiver, her eyes welling up with tears. "What's if he comes after you, or Jamie? Or the station."

Toni was starting to panic, and Dani could sense it, tightening her grip further, rubbing Toni's back. 

"We'll be okay, baby." 

Toni really wished she could believe her. 

Jamie got home not long after ten, immediately wrapping Toni up in an almost unbearably tight hug. 

She told Toni most of her stuff was destroyed, but they grabbed what they could and put it at the station for her to take to Leah's. 

Toni went to bed not long after, but she couldn't sleep, laying staring at the glowing stick-on stars on her childhood ceiling.

It was around two when her phone buzzed on her bedside table. Toni fumbled for it, one eyes closed and the other squinting as she looked at the bright screen. 

Tex: 

You awake? 

I am.

Why are you? 

Today was a lot, I can't sleep

Can I call? 

Instead of replying Toni called Shelby, the phone barely finishing its first ring before Shelby had answered. 

"Eager, aren't you?" Toni teased and Shelby laughed softly. 

"How are you feeling?" 

Toni mulled that question over. She wasn't really sure how she left. Scared? Tired? Sad? Update? Angry? 

Maybe all of the above were brewing all at once and it was all just too intense for her to file it away like she usually would. 

"Toni?" Shelby breathed. 

"I don't really know how I feel," Toni sounded confused, even to her own ears. "You were shaking." 

"Yeah," Shelby chuckled, sounding shaky. "I was fucking terrified when I heard your address, Toni. I know he threatened you, and I was scared he-" 

Shelby's voice broke off completely then, and Toni felt her chest tighter at the sound. 

"I'm moving in with Leah," Toni said. "You were right, I wasn't taking this seriously enough."

"Good," Shelby sniffed. "And you're sure you're okay? You don't feel breathless, or-" 

"Tex," Toni cut in tenderly. "I'm okay. If I wasn't, don't you think Dani would have me at the ER if there was the slightest crackle in my chest?"

Shelby laughed softly. "Yeah, you're right."

"I'm sorry, that I scared you. But, really, I'm fine." 

That seemed to put Shelby at ease, Toni hearing her release a slow, shaky breath. 

"I care about you, Toni. I really hope you know that." Shelby said. "I know we started off weird, considering we had sex before-" 

"Marriage?" Toni cut in, teasing. 

"Talking properly," Shelby clarified, pointedly. "But you are one of my best friends."

That made Toni smile a little. "Just ask me to marry you and get it over with, Tex." 

"You wish you were next in line for all my money."

Toni scoffed. "As if you'd be working as a medic for that piece of shit fire station if you were worth anything substantial."

"I would, and so would you." Shelby sounded almost fond. "You love your job, you can't tell me otherwise."

"Well, I don't do it for the money." Toni shrugged. 

"How are your parents?" 

"Didn't let me go all night, I think they would've taken me into their bed if I allowed it."

"Jamie kept it together so well," Shelby said. "I was a mess, most of us were, just wanting to get in there and get you, turns out even when someone's trying to kill you you're a hero."

"I'm no hero, Lola and I are buddies, no man left behind."

"How do people think you're tough?" Shelby laughed. "You're the biggest softie I've ever met." 

"I think that's very tough of me, to be the biggest softie."

"Oh, it is, but people think you're tough 'cause you start bar fights and break people's noses." 

"I'm tough because of that, too." Toni said. "I'll arm wrestle you if you want."

Shelby laughed. "Behave, you'd kick my ass."

"I dunno, I've seen your guns, Goodkind." 

"Are you flirting with me, Shalifoe?" Shelby herself sounding flirtatious. 

"Like flirting with me isn't your favourite part of your day," 

"It's in my top ten for sure." Shelby teased and Toni scowled. 

"Top three." Toni argued. 

"Top five," 

"You can be such a cock sometimes." Toni sighed. "What would God say?" 

"That he's proud of me for having the patience of a Saint when dealing with you."

Toni whistled. "Little Christian girl got bite, huh?" 

"Figured you would've known that, since you were covered in them after last time."

Toni thought back to the weekend, the station had been empty, so Toni and Shelby snuck off to the equipment cupboard. 

Toni remembered looking down at herself in the shower after, littered in bites and hickies, and she fucking loved it. 

"Are you thinking about it?" Shelby whispered, coy. 

"Yeah," Toni breathed. "You?" 

"Mhm," 

That made Toni smirk, turning onto her side, phone trapped between her ear and the pillow. "Wanna talk about it?" 

"About how much I wanna do it again? How much I liked seeing all those hickey's and knowing it was me who did that?"

Toni swallowed, squirming slightly. "Possessive, huh?" 

"Like you're not into it," 

And god, Toni was so into it. Which was dangerous, Shelby wasn't anything more than a good friend and a fuck buddy. Someone to let off steam with. 

Except Toni knew that wasn't so true. That she had feelings that ran a little deeper but would never see the light of day. 

"I almost got myself off after, while I was showering." Toni admitted, and she heard Shelby inhale sharply. 

"Fuck," 

"Every single time I saw one of those marks, it would bring back a different memory." Toni spoke slow, drawled almost. "I remember looking up at you from my knees, you running your hand through my hair and calling me a good girl."

Toni could hear Shelby breathing, barely but there was a distinct difference not. 

"Then what happened?" Toni said, seemingly taking Shelby by surprise. 

"Uh," Shelby sounded dazed, and Toni felt like she was on fire just knowing she was the cause of that.

"Then I went down on you until your knees almost buckled." Toni said. "Thank God your legs were wrapped around my neck, huh?" 

"Toni," Shelby whispered, breathless. 

"Yeah, that's exactly how you sounded." Toni drawled. "It's one of my favourites, the way my name sounds when you're like that, in that sweet accent." 

"Fuck, Toni, what're you doing?" Shelby all but panted. 

"What are you doing?" Toni shot back. "Where are your hands right now, Tex?"

"What does-I mean, that doesn't-" 

"If it's not already down your pants put it there."

"Toni, don't do this when you can't do anything about it." 

"So come over," Toni said. 

"You want me to sneak into your childhood home?" Shelby laughed, breathless still. 

"I'm in the basement, just come in the side door and turn right, go down those stairs." Toni said. "Come on, Shelby, I'm feeling a little wired tonight, let me take that out on you."

"Fuck," Shelby groaned quietly. "Fine, okay, give me fifteen." 

"Hey," Toni said quickly, before Shelby could hang up. "Wear that light blue matching set you have, you look, like, ungodly good in those." 

"We'll see, Toni."

Shelby, of course, wore the underwear, and not much else, really; A really baggy CFD truck sweatshirt and shorts. 

The sweatshirt was off as soon as the door clicked closed, the shorts soon after, then Toni just took a second to look, making Shelby squirm. 

"Toni," 

"I almost died today, I need to burn this into my mind for next time, that way it might be the last thing I see."

"Hey," Shelby was on her in a second, cupping her cheeks forcing Toni to look at her. "You really think I'm gonna let you die? That would be such a waste of a really nice body." 

Toni's heart fluttered in her chest, and she fucking blushed like she was a teenager. 

"Fuck off," Toni scoffed. "I still wanna burn this into my mind for when I wanna get myself off later."

"It's not that great," Shelby scoffed. 

"You've got a banging body," Toni waved her off, dismissing it as fishing for compliments, but then she looked up at Shelby, looking almost uncomfortable. Toni knew it wasn't like Shelby to fish for compliments, Shelby genuinely didn't think it was that great. "Dude, you understand you're, like, every person's wet dream, right?" 

"Fuck off," 

"You are," Toni laughed. "You've got pretty blonde hair, lovely green eyes, freckles. You're tall, slim, really sexy abs. Like, top tier, dude."

Shelby laughed, playfully shoving Toni, who grabbed her hand and pulled in her.

"You're beautiful," She said, before moving in to kiss Shelby. "Tell me you believe me." 

"I can't," Shelby murmured against Toni's lips. 

"I'll show you then."

It wasn't like this was the first girl Toni had snuck into her childhood bedroom, she was just as popular as a teenager as she is now, but it felt weird doing it at this age. 

Shelby didn't make any comments about the room until they were done, the sun starting to peek over the horizon, both staring at the ceiling. 

"Those stars get you a lot of girls?" Shelby asked, glancing over at Toni with a little smirk, both still a little out of breath. 

Toni huffs out a laugh. "You'd be surprised, it's the classic move of-" 

Toni trailed off as she leaned up on her elbow on her side, leaning over Shelby as she pointed up at the stars. 

"Those stars are in shape of Ursa Minor," Toni explained, turning her head to look down at Shelby, who she was now towering over. "It's my favourite."

Toni could see Shelby soften a little as Toni's hand fell to her hip, fingertips light against the skin there. And that wasn't the usual reaction, usually girls were too focused on Toni towering over them, elbow pressing against the pillow beside their head, on Toni's hand at the hip bone. 

"Why?" Shelby asked, and Toni frowned. 

"Huh?" 

"Why is it your favourite?" She clarified, and Toni's eyebrows arched in surprise, she'd never been asked that before. 

"Uh, okay, I'll tell you, but it stays between us." Toni warned, and Shelby agreed immediately. 

"Okay," She hummed, attention on Toni, who was distracting herself by watching her fingers run up Shelby's body to her collarbone. 

"The first words I said to Dani were 'what one is that?' and pointed to that constellation. Dani told me what it was called and also that its other name was little bear." 

That made Shelby's whole face light up, because while Dani didn't call her that at work or anything, Shelby had been around them enough now to hear Dani call Toni that. 

"Yeah, that's where that nickname came from. I took a little longer to come around to Dani," Toni admitted, shaking her head. "I dunno why, maybe cause Jamie was in the system, too. I just trusted her faster because she went through the same shit."

"Wait, you're an abopted?" Shelby frowned. 

Toni blinked, baffled. "Yeah, Dani and Jamie aren't my parents."

"Jamie isn't your mom?" Shelby asked incredulously. 

"Did you think she was?" 

"Yes, of course, you are both the same person." 

Toni laughed, shaking her head. "Nah, they adopted me when I was seven."

"I had no idea," Shelby laughed. 

"Yeah, for the first two weeks I didn't say anything directly to Dani, I'd had a foster parent that looked a little like her. I was afraid of her."

"Toni," Shelby's eyebrows drew together in a sad frown. 

"It took me a week to not flinch away from Dani whenever she was too close. Two to talk to her." Toni shrugged. "Anyway, everytime I look up and see that I remember that night."

Toni shrugs, lifting her eyes to Shelby, whose head was tilted slightly to the left, small smile on her lips. 

"No one knows that." Toni admitted. "Not even Martha."

"Well, thank you for tellin' me."

"I will make your death look like an accident if anyone finds out, Texas." Toni playfully warned, and Shelby held a pinky up.

"Promise they won't."

Toni rolled her eyes, but wrapped her pinky around Shelby's. 

Toni finally fell asleep a few hours later, around six, managing to get an hour. 

Shelby fell asleep not long after they stopped talking, her hand clutching Toni's the whole night. 

But when Toni woke up Shelby was gone. Toni was surprised at the sinking feeling in her chest when she reached out and found a cold bed. 

Then she dragged herself upstairs and there was Shelby, dressed in her own sweatshirt and Toni's sweatpants, she was standing in the corner with Dani, both leaning against the counter, Shelby giving Dani her undivided attention, little smile on her lips. 

Fondness swelled in Toni's chest at the sight of the two of them, chatting over coffee, Shelby completely at ease. 

Toni was still half asleep, so she didn't bother fighting the slow smile that pulled on her face as she trudged into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to her mom's cheek. 

"Mornin'," She murmured, turning to sit when she spotted Shelby looked at her expectantly, tapping her cheek with her finger. 

Toni scoffed, "You wish, Texas."

Shelby gave a fake pout, but Toni could see what she was sure was genuine disappointment in her eyes. 

So Toni huffed, rolling her eyes dramatically as she pecked Shelby on the cheek. "Mornin'," She whispered a few inches from her cheek, smiling when Shelby's eyes lit up again. 

Toni didn't look at her mom again, couldn't, she knows exactly what she's see if she did, so she turned to grab some coffee. 

"Where's Jamie?" 

"At that shop. She said she feels like she had been neglecting the place." Dani explained. "She should be back soon, then we will have breakfast."

Toni nodded, sitting down at the counter, cheek on her fist, alternating between scrolling through her phone and drinking coffee, half listening to Dani and Shelby as they talked about the shop. 

Shelby stayed for breakfast, she made to leave after but Toni and Jamie planned on doing some gardening in the backyard, so Toni asked her to stay for that. 

Then it was lunch, and helping Toni run a few things to Leah's. Then it was dinner, and a few drinks. 

It got to nine that night and both of them were exhausted, slouched down on the sofa watching whatever show it was Leah and Fatin had been watching. 

"I should probably go soon," Shelby said quietly, leaning a little closer to Toni so she didn't disturb Leah and Fatin, who were huddled together whispering on the other sofa. "Didn't sleep too well last night."

Toni let her head fall to the side, sleepy grin on her lips. "Worth it, though."

"Oh, no doubt." Shelby agreed. "Tiring, though."

"So stay," Toni offered, shrugging like this wasn't the third time that day Toni had asked Shelby to stay with her. 

"How do you have so much energy?" Shelby chuckled. 

"No, not for that." Toni shook her head, smile sleepy when Shelby looked up at her again. "I don't feel like being alone, if that's okay?" 

"Sure, yeah." Shelby agreed immediately. "I'll need stuff to wear, though."

"I have some of my stuff, I'm sure there's something in there." 

There was, a pair of baggy basketball shorts and a Rescue Squad t-shirt. 

Toni was tired, both physically and mentally, so she let herself enjoy Shelby in her clothes, watching from her bed as she tied up her hair and folded her clothes. 

"Thank you," Toni said when they were finally settled in bed, facing each other. 

"For what?" 

"Being around today, I needed it." Toni admitted quietly. 

"Anytime," Shelby promised, and Toni had been lied to enough to know when someone was lying to her, and Shelby wasn't. "Goodnight, Toni." 

"Night, Tex."

Toni turned onto her front, cheek on her arms, still facing Shelby as she fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

Toni wasn't surprised when she got the letter through to testify against Quint, doesn't mean she wasn't stuck with fear and a little regret when she read it. 

It had been a whole six months since the incident, six months of ghost calls and threatening packages. Of the odd broken window and an attempt to plant drugs on her.

But the trial was in a month, she only had to last a month.

But everything ramped up after that, after the trial date. 

Viola didn't even look surprised when Toni showed up late for work, lip and eyebrow burst, knuckles shredded, eye blackening by the second. 

"You get a letter recently, too?" Toni asked. 

"I did," Viola hummed, moving closer to Toni to get a good look at her, jangling her roughly but still something with an air of tenderness about it. "How's your head?" 

"Still attached to my neck," 

"Good start," Viola hummed. "Go have one of the medics see to you, that eyebrow might need stitches."

"Im fine, chef, I-" Toni stopped when Viola gave her a look. " _ I  _ will go find Marty." 

"You will," Viola smiled, sharp, before turning. "No one would blame you if you dropped it, kid."

"It's too late, now, I'd rather die than see that cunt win." Toni said and Viola chuckled. 

"Well, that might just be how this ends, Shalifoe." She said, matter of fact but her features at least looked somewhat worried. "Go, maybe start carpooling."

"Sure," Toni agreed, slipping out of the office, attempting to find Marty without running into anyone else. 

And she didn't, finding Marty in the back of a rig, cleaning. 

"Hey, Marty."

"Hey," Marty turned with a smile, but it melted away when she spotted Toni. "Toni, what  _ happened?"  _

"I was jumped, can you fix me up?"

"Flashbacks to high school when you'd pick fights with all the bigger kids." Marty pulled Toni inside and closed the rig, sitting her down. "Nothing has changed, clearly."

"I won this fight like I won all of those." Toni said, hissing when Marty dabbed her eyebrow. 

"And you're still a baby about it." Marty grinned. 

"Shut up," Toni grumbled. 

Marty fixed her up with sofa, practiced fingers, putting butterfly stitches over her eyebrow to close it. 

"You might end up with one of those lines through your eyebrow that lesbians love." Marty said, pressing a kiss to Toni's eyebrow. 

Toni wondered briefly how she got to have so many wonderful people in her life. She must have done something  _ good  _ in her previous life to get this lucky. 

"Hey, you know I love you, right?" Toni said, and Marty nodded, a confident nod that told Toni that, even if she didn't think she was the most outwardly loving person, the people she loved still knew. 

"I love you. We're going be okay," Marty promised, gently stroking Toni's cheek, and Toni smiled softly, her eyes flickering closed. 

"Thanks, Marty."

Toni stayed in there for a little while longer, until there was a call and they had to go. 

Shelby was reaching for the rig door when Toni hopped out, frowning at the sight of Toni; cut and bruised.

"Toni," She reached out to touch Toni's face, but Toni snatched it out the air before she could. 

"Gotta go, talk later."

She couldn't run away from Leah, though, who clambered into the truck after her. "The fuck happened to you?" 

"Nothing compared to the other two." Toni answered easily. 

"You got for this?" she asked. "Your Ma's not here, would she tell you to hang off?" 

"Nah, they got, like, three punches in, all to this money makers." Toni motioned to her face. "I'm good, promise."

Leah nodded, eyeing her for a few seconds. "You'd look hot with one'a those lesbian eyebrow slits."

"If you wanna have sex just say," 

"I'll let you know,"

Rescue wasn't even needed for the job, being called away not long after arriving. 

\--

Shelby wasn't feeling particularly bad about this call, it was a fire in a five story laboratory building, routine, really.

Then she glanced toward the crowd to see Peter Quint standing there, staring in the general direction of the building, sick smile on his face.

"Jamie, Quint is here." Shelby said into her radio. 

Before Jamie could even reply the ground shook under Shelby's feet, and she looked up in time to see a fireball shoot out from the fourth floor. 

Everyone gasped, shielding themselves from the glass. 

"Squad, is everyone okay?" Jamie's voice crackled through the coms, and Shelby waited for anyone to come through. 

"I only have eyes on Reid," Leah came through. "Toni and Fatin when in ahead, they-" 

Leah trailed off, and Shelby knew why, she could hear it, too. The distinct alarm of some PASS.

"What's going on, Leah?" 

"I don't know, I can't see." Leah said, and Shelby could only busy herself with the injured around her, she didn't want to think about the fact Toni and Fatin were unresponsive. 

"I have eyes on Fatin." Rachel said. 

"I've got Toni," 

Martha got to Toni first, she Shelby went for Fatin, tearing off her broken mask and ripping open her jacket. 

"Fatin?" she prompted, holding the woman's face, keeping her still. "Hey, Jadmani, I need you to open your eyes for me."

And Fatin did, after about half a minute, Toni, too, both a little groggy and confused.

Shelby glanced back to where Peter had been, but there was no sign of him. Shelby felt angry  _ burn _ in her chest, the sudden urge to  _ hurt  _ this guy. 

Fatin and Toni were carted off to the hospital, Leah on Toni and not letting her out of her sight, and Toni leaned into it like she never did with anyone else. 

But Shelby has always seen their relationship as different from what either one of them have with anyone else. 

This big sister vibe that Shelby knew stemmed from their training days, from when little Toni was even littler, thin and gangly, ready for a fight at every turn. 

For some reason Toni took to Leah, which surprised both of them they weren't all that much alike. 

Toni and Fatin were placed in the same room, which allowed Leah to look after both of them, Martha there for back up with Toni, and Shelby knew Dani would be there soon, so Shelby slipped out of the room and headed to the waiting room. 

It was empty, the rest of the squad had headed back to the station, because they were still working. 

"What're you doing out here?" Shelby lifted her head to see Dani standing in the doorway. 

"Marty and Leah are in here, it was a little crowded, I thought I would give her space."

"Doubt she would rather you out here rather than in there with her." Dani said with a little frown. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, no, I'm fine. It's just-they feel like a family, and sometimes I feel like I'm intruding." 

"I know the feeling," Dani nodded. "She'd want you in there."

"I'll be back in soon." Shelby smiled, and Dani conceded. 

"Just so you know, you're family too, Shelby." She said before disappearing. 

Shelby knew she was right, but sometimes she just felt too new, that she was intruding sometimes. 

She wasn't sure how much longer she sat there for, but a soft knock on the door brought her back to earth. 

And there was Toni, standing in the doorway with a stitched up gash on her forehead but other than that didn't look hurt at all. 

"What're you doing in here alone, Tex?" she asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe. 

"I just-I wanted to give you guys some space, that all felt-I just felt-" Shelby shook her head as she stood. "Are you okay?"

Toni nodded. "Bit of a headache but other than that I'm good, Fatin too." Toni said. "They're not telling me something, huh?" 

Shelby nodded, it wasn't fair that Toni wasn't in the loop about Quint. 

"Trials coming up, I suppose."

"He was there," Shelby said. 

"He really does want me dead, huh?" Toni tried to joke, but it was weak at best, she was  _ scared _ , now, because Fatin was almost collateral, he had no issue hurting innocent people; four people  _ died  _ in that explosion. 

"I need you to  _ not  _ though." Shelby stressed. "God, I've never been this on edge over one person before, it's like one minute you could be fine and then I'll just never see you again."

"That's just the nature of the job," 

"No, this is worse, because you have someone actively trying to  _ hurt  _ you, Toni." Shelby said. 

"I  _ know  _ that, Shelby. And I'm fucking terrified." Toni snapped, scowling. "Do you not think I'm anxious all the fucking time because I'm afraid I'm going to get someone I love killed."

Shelby felt all annoyance melt away at Toni's tearful eyes. 

"I see it all the fucking time, I can't close my eyes without seeing my mom's dead, or Leah, Marty, you. And it's all my fucking fault." Toni wiped at her damp cheeks, turning away from Shelby slightly as she sniffed. "So,  _ yes _ , Shelby, I'm aware I'm in danger."

Shelby didn't say anything, instead stepping toward Toni, an arm wrapping around her neck, hand on the back of her head as Toni readily accepted the hug, melting against Shelby. 

Toni took a deep breath in, releasing it through her nose as she stepped closer still, arms wrapping around Shelby's midsection, nose buried in Shelby's neck. 

"Being friends with you is stressful," Shelby joked. 

"Yeah, that's why most girls leave eventually." 

"Yeah, well, you must go for weak girls." Shelby said, and Toni pulled back enough to look at her, her eyes red-rimmed but she had her eyebrows arched teasingly. "It's so easily worth the stress." 

"Are you coming in?" Toni asked, quite, sounding almost shy. "I'd like you to, there's this weird calmness when you're around."

Shelby nodded, ignoring the way her chest burned at that, because she knew Toni didn't do feelings, that everything was just Toni being her best friend, and maybe sometimes they let a little steam off together. 

But that was it, Toni was so emotionally unavailable.

Toni told her herself, she didn't _do_ love. 

Yet, Shelby felt herself falling more and more in love with Toni every day. There was times, moments, that Shelby truly believed Toni felt the same. 

But it would never amount to anything, so Shelby stopped pulling stock in it. 

Shelby smiled sleepily, nodding. "Okay, let's go."

\--

Toni ignored the first call, too busy pulling down Shelby's trousers and underwear. 

They were at Toni's place, both having the day off and deciding to spend it in bed. Well, mostly, night now Toni had Shelby hiked up on the kitchen counter, head between her legs.

But then it buzzed again, so Toni glanced toward it as she kissed Shelby's inner thigh, frowning when she saw Jamie's picture. 

It was weird for Jamie to call more than once, if she didn't get Toni the first time she'd usually just text. 

"Sorry," Toni murmured, shuffling to the side to grab her phone. "It's my ma, she never calls more than once."

Shelby was breathing heavy but nodded, motioning toward the phone as she hopped down to pull on her clothes. 

"Hey, ma, what's up?" 

"Where are you?" Toni frowned at her Toni, slowly standing. 

"Home, why?" 

"Dani said someone's following her." 

Jamie said. "She's driving home from Olivia's right now, so she's coming to you, go downstairs and meet her in the car park."

"Okay, yeah." Toni agreed, quickly pulling on her shirt. 

"Everything okay?" Shelby asked quietly, and Toni shook her head.

"Is that Shelby?" Jamie asked. "We'll be talking about that when your mom's safe."

"Do you have her on the phone?" 

"Owen does, I'm with him." Jamie explained. "We're on our way to you, your mom's a few minutes out."

"Right, okay I'll head down now." Toni hopped as she pulled on her shoes, giving Shelby a funny look when she attempted to follow. 

"I'm not letting you go down there alone. How many people get murdered in underground parking lots?" Shelby said, and Jamie hummed in her ear. 

"She's right," 

Dani got there safe, Toni wrapping her mother up in a protective hug, Dani chuckling against her shoulder. 

"Miss me?" 

"Are you okay?" Toni asked, pulling back to look Dani over. "What happened?" 

"Someone followed me from Olivia's,  a green jeep, not inconspicuous at all." Dani said. "They wanted me to know they were there."

Toni scowled at the door. "Bastards."

"Language," Dani wanted and Toni tutted, rolling her eyes when Shelby laughed. 

"Mom," Toni whinned

"Let's get upstairs, Hm?" Dani smiled at the two of them. "Have you girls eaten?" 

Dani proceeded to mother the two of them, like she hadn't just been followed home by some dangerous cop or one of his cronies. 

Both Toni and Shelby let it happen, knowing this was Dani's way of distracting herself from what was happening. 

By the time Jamie and Owen arrived Dani had dinner mostly ready, and acted all smiles and 'I'm fine's, but Toni knew as soon as everyone bar Jamie left the room Dani would have crumbled. 

Owen left pretty quickly after eating, and Dani and Jamie stayed in the kitchen, just out of ear shot of Toni, who was sitting on the sofa watching them, fingers playing with her bottom lip, leg bouncing.

She had almost forgotten Shelby was there at all then she felt fingertips tickle her bare knee. 

Toni blinked, turning to look at Shelby, forcing a smile. 

"Hey, sorry, I know I'm not much company."

"Well, you're pretty to look at so that's alright." Shelby teased, giving Toni's knee a little squeeze. 

Toni chuckled, rolling her eyes, but the anxiety in her chest eased slightly at Shelby's soft smile and concerned gaze. 

"Are you okay?" 

Toni nodded, but only every so slightly, her hand falling onto Shelby's, giving it a squeeze, what she hoped was comforting. 

Dani and Jamie stayed late, watching a movie with Shelby and Toni before leaving. 

Toni didn't  _ want  _ them to leave, didn't want to let then out of her sight, but she knew she couldn't watch them 24/7.

"So," Jamie started, and Toni groaned, she knew that tone. "You and Shelby, looks an awful lot like dating."

"Just friends," Toni said. "We get on really well."

"Good foundation for a relationship, that." Jamie grinned at her, and Toni rolled her eyes. 

"Text me when you're both home." 

Shelby was upstairs waiting for Toni, having started making them both tea (thankfully Jamie showed her how to make it and  _ not  _ Dani). 

"Do you want me to leave?" Shelby asked, her back still to Toni as she finished up the tea. "I know you called me over for a whole other reason, and you're up early tomorrow, so-" 

"Come with me?" Toni asked and Shelby blinked, confused, turning to Toni who had made her way closer. "Leah's working, Marty, too, and, honestly, I just want you there."

Shelby nodded, her arms winding Toni's lower back when she reached her, Toni's arms wrapping around her neck, face hidden against the skin there. 

"I know it's just the preliminary hearing tomorrow but I'm just so looking forward to this being over." Toni sighed. 

Toni knew it wasn't over once the kid was sentenced, she knew Quint was going to come down on her  _ so much harder.  _

Or so she thought. 

There was a wave on anxious fluttered in Toni's stomach when she got a call from Viola just before midnight. Toni had her head on Shelby's lap, Shelby's fingers filing through her hair, both mindlessly watching TV when she called. 

Toni flashed Shelby panicked look, finally answered when Shelby waved her hand at the phone.

"Chef," Toni answered. 

"I thought I would give you a call first," Viola started, her voice calm. "Peter Quint is dead." 

Toni blinked; once, twice. "Excuse me?" 

"Quint and another officer tried to strong arm me into forcing you to drop this." Viola explained. "So, I shot him."

"You-shot him?" Toni asked slowly, Viola hummed. "And he's dead?" 

"That's what I'm told."

"But I-someone  _ just  _ followed my mom home tonight."

"I think they wanted to get each of us, me, you, your mom's. But from what Jamie told me she was with Owen, and you were with Goodkind, yes?" 

"Uh, yeah," Toni sounded sheepish, blushing, because there was a knowing tone to her face. 

"And Dani got to you before they could get her." Viola finished. "I can't say it's over, I don't know that, but he's gone at least."

Toni nodded, giving Shelby a little smile when she squeezed her shoulder. "Okay, thanks for letting me know." 

"I would say see you tomorrow but I have a feeling it's going to be postponed." Viola said. "Night, kid."

She hung up before Toni could speak. 

Toni lowered her phone slowly, dazed almost. "Fuck."

"Do you think it's over?" Shelby asked. 

Toni shook her head slowly. "I think this is going to drive a wedge even further between the police and us."

The hearing was cancelled the following day, and Toni got a call three days later telling her he was pleading guilty, that they didn't need her to testify. 

Toni just stayed rooted after hanging up, sitting in the locker room for so long Leah came looking for her. 

"You alright, Stumpy?" 

"Everyone is Stumpy compared to you, beanstalk." Toni shot back, her eyes not leaving her phone. 

Leah chuckled as she took a seat alongside her. "What's up?" 

"He's pleading guilty." Toni sounded baffled. "Is that just it? Is it just over now, after all that? People  _ died  _ in that fire, Leah, and now it's just over."

"At least you can breathe a little easier now," 

"I know, it just feels a little anticlimactic." Toni laughed softly. 

Leah wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in. "Sometimes, going out without a bang is a  _ good  _ thing, Toni."

"Not as exciting though," Toni grinned up at Leah, who rolled her eyes. 

"We're going to Slimms for drinks, hurry up." Leah patted Toni's back before standing. 

"Thanks, Leah. For everything through all this shit." 

"S'what family does, right?" Leah smile, holding her fist out to Toni, who bumped her own against it. "Come on, you can buy me a drink as a thank you."

Toni let herself believe that it was over, which, in hindsight was pretty fucking stupid of her. 

She was drunk, so she didn't have her phone on her, it wasn't until Shelby appeared, dressed in a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt that Toni found out something had happened.

Toni beamed at her when she spotted her, cheeks rosy from the alcohol, almost tripping as she moved closer. 

"Hey, Tex, you look  _ good." _

But Shelby didn't smile, instead leaning closer to Toni, hand gripping Toni's upper arm as she spoke into her ear. "You need to come with me, it's Jamie."

Toni's blood ran cold, and in a second she was sober, allowing Shelby to lead her outside into her car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cliffhanger, I apologise!
> 
> Let me know what you think?   
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


	9. Chapter 9

Toni didn't take much else in other than Jamie, stabbed, critical condition. 

Dani was waiting for them in the waiting room, leg bouncing, eyes red and puffy, clothes covered in blood. P

"Mom?" 

Dani turned to her, relaxing slightly at the sight of her daughter, forcing a smile. "Hey, Little Bear."

"I'm so sorry, I-this is all my fault. She-she can't die, mom."

"Hey," Dani spoke softly, dragging Toni down into a hug. "Stop that. None of this is your fault, I'm so proud of you for not backing down with those bullies. Your ma is, too."

"Is she going to be okay?" 

"We don't know yet," Dani pulled back, smoothing over Toni's hair, holding her cheeks. "But you know what your Ma's like, she'd outlast the roaches."

Toni tried to smile but couldn't, taking a seat beside Dani, Shelby on Toni's other side, and Toni didn't overthink it, reaching over to slip her hand into Shelby's. 

She didn't look at Shelby, but Shelby gave her hand a tight squeeze, continuing to hold on tight, keeping Toni grounded.

Jamie ended up in surgery, the knife had punctured her lung. It was an easy surgery, but Jamie lost a lot of blood. 

"Maybe you should go change," Toni said when they realised they would be here a while, eyeing Dani's blood stained clothes. "She's gonna be a while, and I don't-you shouldn't-" 

_I can't look it at,_ is what Toni wanted to say. 

_I can't look at you cause you're covered in the blood of one of the few people I love._

Dani seemed to realise that, nodding. "You're right, I'll call Nellie, have her come pick me up."

Shelby stayed with Toni the entire time, not saying much, not doing much, just holding Toni's hand while Toni stared at the door, as if trying to manifest Jamie walking through it, completely fine. 

Dani came back, this time with Nel and Olivia. 

Olivia sat alongside Toni, rubbing her back calmingly as Dani paced in front of them. 

"Mom," Toni caught Dani's hand as she passed, peering up at her. "This medical bill is going to be bad enough, you don't want a bill for burning a hole in the floor."

Dani chuckled, barely there and mostly forced, but she sat down. 

It was five hours before the doctor came back, telling them that she made it through surgery fine, but she'd lost a lot of blood. 

"We will re-evaluate if she makes it through the night." 

" _If_?" Toni was on her feet in a second. "There's no if's here, she's making it through the night."

"Everything does look good, I'm inclined to believe she will, but I can guarantee anything." the doctor said, and Toni looked rearing to go off. 

So, Dani stepped in, thanking the doctor and steering Toni to sit down, kneeling down in front of her with a sad smile and those sorrow filled eyes. 

Dani had lost so much, and now she was going to lose the woman she loved because Toni couldn't let something go. 

"I know your angry, but just have a little faith, yeah?" Dani smiled, Toni's hands clasped in her own, her eyes watering. "After all the shit life has thrown at her she's not gonna let herself die before becoming chef."

"It can't be an if, mom. I-she can't-" 

"Hey," Dani spoke softly, yet stern, putting a stop to Toni's inevitable spiral. "She'll be okay." 

"You heard what he said-"

"And we _know_ Jamie, she's a fighter. She is going to be okay." Dani said. "Now, calm yourself down before we head along." 

Toni did, and they headed out of the waiting room, Shelby pointing over her shoulder toward the door. 

"I'll leave you guys to it," She backpedaled a step before Toni got a soft grip on her wrist.

"You don't have to," Toni said quickly. "I mean, if you wanna go, and you have something on tomorrow, or your working or-" 

"I'll stay," Shelby cut her off, slipping Toni's hand from her wrist to her hand, giving it a squeeze. "I've nothing on until sunday, and that's us going to the movies."

Toni nodded, and Shelby moved her hand to thread their fingers together. 

\--

Toni passed out not long before five, then, when she woke up Jamie was awake. 

At first Toni completely forgot what was going on, smiling at her mother as she stretched out her limbs. 

Then she stopped dead, because Jamie was awake, and smiling, and looking a little less pale then she had before. 

Toni scrambled to her feet and to her mothers side, startling everyone in the room.

"Hey," Jamie half laughed, half groaned when Toni hugged. 

"Holy shit I'm so glad you're okay." Toni whispered. "You are okay, right?" 

"Punctured lung and punctured skin," Jamie shrugged. "I'm British, we have tough skin."

"Not tough enough to stop a blade, apparently." Toni teased. "Fuck, I'm so glad you're okay. What happened?" 

"Tit for tat, retaliation for Quint being dead." Jamie explained, wincing as she sat up, Dani rushing to help her. "I don't know if it's over, the way he was talking it is so long as we don't retaliate, which we _won't_."

Jamie gave her a look, because no one knew Toni's angry, volatile side like Jamie did. 

"You almost died," 

"And eventually someone will if we keep this up." Jamie said. "Quint is dead, his kid behind bars, let it go, _now_ , Toni. You did good."

Toni knew she was right, but she was so fucking angry, her mom almost died at the hands of some punk. 

"Shelby, take her home." Jamie ordered, and Toni opened her mouth to argue, but Jamie cut her off. "Eat, shower, change. Maybe take a nap, but don't be back here before lunch, understand?" 

"But ma-" Toni started to argue but Jamie cut her off. 

"I will order Shelby to strong arm you out of here."

Toni turned to Shelby who straightened, puffing herself out slightly, tilting her chin up. 

"I'll do it, too." 

Toni stared at Shelby for a second, before scoffing and looking back at Jamie. "The medic, really? She can barely lift-" 

Toni trailed off into a squeak when Shelby appeared in front of her, throwing her over her shoulder with surprising ease. 

"This is fucking embarrassing," Toni grumbled while her mom's laughed at her, but Toni wasn't actually annoyed, or irritated, peering back at Dani and Jamie, both lying on Jamie's bed, both alive, watching Toni and Shelby with tender smiles. 

Toni smoothed down her clothes when Shelby put her on her feet outside the room, pointing threateningly at her, thought she knew she has a ghost of a smile on her lips, and she knew Shelby could see it. "Don't even pick me up again."

"You didn't mind in the bathroom of that bar the other week." Shelby shot back, then strolled off. "Come on, Leah's started making breakfast."

\--

Shelby didn't leave her side that entire day, giving Toni space yet somehow still being around with a well placed hand when Toni was overwhelmed, or a warm smile when Toni could feel herself getting mad again. 

Toni finally sent her away at eleven o'clock. "You're working at seven tomorrow, Texas, go home."

"You'll call me if you need anything." Shelby asked, taking a step toward Toni, who readily accepted Shelby's outstretched hand. 

"Yes, Shelby, scouts honour." Toni promised, holding up two fingers, making Shelby roll her eyes. 

"It's three fingers and you fucking know it." Shelby said, then she hesitated, something washing over her features so quick Toni wasn't quick enough to decipher it.

Then Toni was being pulled in, and Shelby was kissing her, so soft and weighted that Toni felt panic rise in her chest. 

Because if the past few months have proven anything it's that Toni hurts the ones she loves, the ones that love her. 

Fatin in that explosion, Viola when she got beat up before shooting Quint, and Jamie. Her own mother almost died because of her. 

Toni was worse with romantic relationships, she hurt people, it was just who she was, what she did. 

So Toni let herself savor this, because it had to stop, before she hurt Shelby, or worse, with the way she was going. 

"I'll see you later, Toni." Shelby breathed against Toni's lips. 

Toni's throat closed up, so she couldn't speak, instead she just nodded, giving Shelby's hand a squeeze. 

And that was the start of it, the weird hot and cold thing. 

Everything would be normal, they'd be best friends, they'd fuck, Toni tried to make it as impersonal as possible, but sometimes she slipped, sometimes she let feelings leak in, and after those nights Toni pulled back, convincing herself it was better that way, she should stay out of Shelby's way. 

But she could never last more than a few days before she made a joke or brought Shelby food, and it was like it never happened. 

That just reinforced that Toni did _not_ deserve Shelby Goodkind. 

\-- 

Viola surprised them all a month later, telling them she was leaving. 

Toni had been in the kitchen, Shelby perched on the counter as Toni threw blueberries into her mouth from across the way, when Viola came waltzing in. 

"I'm leaving. I've been promoted to assistant chef."

"Who's gonna be replacing you?" Rachel asked. 

"As far as I'm aware Taylor is going for it." Viola looked at Toni, because Jamie wasn't here, then everyone else turned to her. 

"I guess she most likely will, yeah." Toni shrugged. 

"This can take up to a year, the paper work is a fucking nightmare, so I might still be here a while." She said, turning and leaving. 

Everyone began gossiping between themselves, Toni turning back to Shelby and rolling her eyes at the rest of the crew. 

Shelby nodded, playfully snapping her teeth together and opening her mouth for Toni to continue throwing blueberries. 

\--

Toni recognised the address when it was spoken over the radio, but she didn't know from where until she got there. 

Squad were at a call nearby, so they got on scene first to see the fire already out, so Toni called it in, cancelling Truck. 

Then Toni noticed the burned out car at the side of the property, and it came back to her. She was here just last week putting out that fire, which in itself was a weird fire.

"Morning, ma'am." Toni greeted with a kind smile to the older lady, who was still clutching the fire extinguisher. "You put this out?" 

The woman nodded. 

"You should be doing my job," Toni said, taking off her helmet and looking around the block, spotting teenagers and young adults littered all over the street, all staring over. "I'd better check the inside, though, make sure there isn't anything smouldering in the walls."

"I'm fine, I dealt with it."

"Even so, ma'am, better safe than sorry."

The woman conceded, ushering Toni inside, and Toni pretending to do checks when she noticed the photo on the piano, the old lady and another woman, then there was another beside it, an old photo of two twenty something year old women with their arms wrapped around each other. 

"Who's this?" Toni asked, smiling down at the photos. 

"My late wife." The woman answered, no hesitation, and Toni respected that, even she still sometimes hesitated. 

"Yeah?" Toni smiled. "How long were you married?"

"Officially, only a few years. But unofficially, about sixty years."

Toni whistled, impressed. "What's the secret?" 

"Beer and no men." 

Toni laughed, nodding her head. "Well, I'm in for a long one, too, then."

The woman smiled sweetly at her. 

"Married?" 

"Nah, no. I'm single." Toni waved a hand. "Don't have time, you know?" 

"Shame, falling in love is the most wonderful thing."

Toni found herself smiling at the wistful look on the woman's face. 

"Bit weird, isn't it? The fact you've had two fires in a week?" Toni said, and the woman's smile slipped completely. 

"They were accidents."

"Look, ma'am, if somethings going on-"

"Everything is okay," She cut in. "Are you finished? I have things to do."

Toni nodded once, scribbling her name and number on the notepad in the middle of the table. "That's my number, I'm not far."

The woman looked touched, but her expression turned steely quickly. 

This niggled at Toni for days, to the point she done drivebys in her car just to check in. 

And those teens were always there, always loitering, and it was threatening to Toni, never mind a little old lady. 

\--

Jamie got the job as chef, Viola would still be around for a month or two, but that meant they were now looking to replace Jamie. 

The thought hadn't even crossed Toni's mind until Shelby put it there. 

They were having a barbecue in the back yard for Jamie's promotion, everyone who wasn't on call was there, as well as Dani and Jamie's family and friends. 

"You ever thought about going for it?" Shelby asked when they were alone, both standing by the drinks table. 

"What, Theo?" Toni frowned, following Shelby's eye line to see her looking in the general direction of Toni's family. "She's my aunt, dude, what the fuck."

"What? No, not-not Theo, you idiot, lieutenant." 

"You can't just come over here and start a conversation under the assumption I'll know what you're talking about, Tex." Toni shot back with a little smirk. "But, no, I haven't."

"Why not?" 

Toni shrugged. Honestly, how was Toni supposed to live up to Jamie? Jamie was a fantastic lieutenant, the squad was a family because of her. 

Toni couldn't live up to that. 

"Just not interested, too reckless, ya see." 

Toni looked over at Shelby who shrugged and shook her head, glancing down at her feet before looking at Toni. "I just think you'd be real good at it, is all."

That made Toni frown, because Shelby really looked like she believed that. 

"You don't?" Shelby looked baffled. "You are a natural leader, you have the respect of everyone on the squad, and you're fair."

Toni shook her head. "I dunno. I don't think it's for me."

"Shame," Shelby drained the rest of her drink. "I really do believe you'd be amazin' at it."

The idea hadn't been in Toni's mind before but now that Shelby put it there Toni found herself mulling it over for the rest of the night. 

By the end of the night it was a small group still outside, none of Jamie's friends, or even Jamie herself. 

Toni was staying the night at her parents, and Leah had insisted they have a fire like they would in high school (well, like Toni, Leah and Martha would in high school). 

Her parents even agreed they could stay over in the smallish barn that Toni spent her late teens in, large enough to be made into a decent size studio apartment.

Toni was only half listening to the story Fatin had spent the last few minutes telling, draining the rest of her drink before standing. 

"Anyone want another?" 

Fatin stopped to tell her yes, Dot and Leah also nodding. 

Dani was in the kitchen when Toni slipped inside, lifting her eyes from her laptop, she looked tired, even her smile sleepy. 

"Why you still up?" Toni asked as she made for the fridge. 

"Got some paperwork to fill in," Dani rolled out her shoulders while Toni grabbed four beers in between her fingers.

She almost left, then she stalled, the thought of lieutenant crossed her mind again.

"Jamie was one of, if not the best lieutenant that team has ever had." Toni said, turning back to Dani. 

"She was, and she will make an incredible chief." 

"Yeah, no doubt." Toni agreed, gnawing her lip. And she knew Dani knew she had something on her mind, but she sat, patient, letting Toni beat around the bush about it. "The next one isn't going to be able to live up to that." 

"I don't think it's so much about living up to Jamie, that's not fair. Everyone will do that job differently, and there is not doubt some will do it poorly. Just because the predecessor was an amazing lieutenant doesn't mean the new one won't be, too." Dani said, standing and making her way to Toni, tucking her wispy hair behind her ears, then her hands moved to cup her cheeks. Something in Toni's chest eased immediately. 

Toni nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"And for what it's Worth, Little Bear," Dani was smiling at her, and Toni knew what was coming. "I think you would be amazing at the job."

A little smile pulled on Toni's lips. "Thanks, mom."

Dani nodded, a mischievous grin pulling on her lips. "So, Shelby?"

Toni laughed and turned to leave. "Nope, not happening, _still_ not drunk enough."

\--

It was ten days. 

Ten days and that address came through, this time just fire and medical. 

Toni was up and hopping into the truck before anyone could stop her, the guys in the truck frowning over at her. 

"Rescue wasn't required." Fatin said. 

"I know the woman who lives there." 

By the time Toni got there medical was already on scene, and had the old woman on a stretcher, the house smoking profusely. 

Toni pushed her way through the fire fighters that had been on scene before ninety-six to get to the woman, relief washing over her when she saw she was alive. 

"Toni?" Martha frowned, but Toni didn't pay her any attention, instead giving her full attention to the woman.

"Hey," She greeted, smiling at the woman, allowing her to take her hands when she reached out. "How you feeling?" 

"Breathless,"

"I have that effect on women," Toni teased, making the woman laugh breathlessly, both Martha and Shelby rolling their eyes. "Ma'am, you're gonna have to talk to me. No police involvement, okay? I'll sort it."

The woman took a long shaky breath in, then nodded. 

"Okay," Toni smiled, looking between Martha and Shelby, both looking equally baffled. "Cool if I ride with you guys?"

"Sure," Martha agreed, both she and Shelby getting the gurney into the cab before getting in the front, figuring Toni needed privacy. 

The woman told Toni everything. 

About how she reported some of the local dealers for dealing on her street and they found out about it. They been hassling her since, all those fucking teenagers giving her a hard time, and Toni was fucking fuming. 

She got the address of one of the guys, who the lady thought was the ringleader, or the leader of what was barely a four man operation. She had his name, too, so Toni could give that to a buddy at the police station and find him anyway.

Toni saw the woman to the ER, turning to a confused looking Shelby. 

"What's going on?" 

"I've got something I've gotta deal with," 

"Toni," Shelby snagged Toni's hand as she marched past, stopping her "Let's get the rig back to the house, then I'll drive you to whatever sketchy shit you're going to do."

"Shelby," 

"I'll stay in the car, I just think you should have someone who knows where you are, is all. 

Toni eyed her for a second then nodded. "It's off the books, Shelby."

"I know," Shelby didn't look deterred at all, looked more determined, even. 

"Okay," 

Toni wasn't afraid when she made her way to the door, almost laughed when she saw the scrawny dudes she was dealing with. 

They immediately noticed her uniform. "Who the fuck are you?" he asked, but Toni just barged past. 

"Shut up and sit down," Toni ordered, and the one on the sofa at least looked startled. 

"What do you want?" 

"I'm sure you know Mrs Keita," 

One of the boys shook his head, looking entirely too smug. "Never heard of her."

"Mm," Toni nodded, picking up the glass bottle beside her, turning it in her hand a few times before throwing it against the TV, a black spider-web like wound appearing on the screen. 

"What the fuck?" the boy snapped attempting to get to his feet but Toni forced him right back down with a strong hand on his shoulder. 

"See, boys, she's my aunts." Toni said, her voice low, threatening. "So, if you guys so much as glance in her direction again I'll break your fucking knees, and drag you down to the station myself. If you don't have drugs on you I'll plant'em."

"You can't do that!" 

"No?" Toni tilted her head. "Who are they gonna believe? A firefighter or some Eminem wannabe gang banger?" 

The boys looked afraid now, so Toni nodded, back paddling toward the door. 

"I mean it, boys, don't make me get the rest of my squad involved in this." She warned before leaving. 

Shelby greeted her with a smile when Toni hopped back into the car. "Good?" she asked as she put the car in drive.

"Yeah," Toni nodded. "You wanna come over, I don't think you've seen my new place, have you?" 

"Not yet," Shelby nodded, heading toward Toni's place. 

Toni gave her a quick tour of her place, just glossing over everything because it was the same as Fatin's, really, it was Fatin's dad's building so Fatin was the floor above Toni in the penthouse apartment. 

They then settled on Toni's bed, Shelby's fingertips tickling the inside of Toni's arm. 

"Okay, I gotta know, did you threaten gangsters tonight?" Shelby blurted out. 

Toni scoffed. "Barely. It was two skinny white dudes with shit tattoos, you know the type."

"What happened? Who is that woman to you?" Shelby's voice was quiet, and Toni knew if she just stayed quiet Shelby would drop it. 

"Nothing, not really." She said, shrugging when Shelby peered up at her. "I thought it was sus this woman had two fires in a week, and I saw these kids sitting nearby and it just felt wrong. I heard her address over the radio and had to come."

Shelby nodded. "She's a nice lady." 

"Yeah, I like'er." Toni nodded, her eyes moving to their hands when she felt Shelby slide her fingers through her own. 

"And it was really sweet, what you did for her."

Toni shrugged. "Some of them just hit different, I guess." She repeated Shelby's words back to her, words from way back when they first met, smiling down at her when she could feel Shelby smiling against her shoulder. "But, yeah, I essentially threatened to break their knees and plant drugs on them. In fact that's exactly what I said I'd do."

"Okay, well, if you need drugs we have loads on the rig." Shelby offered and Toni laughed. 

"Cheers," Toni said, and Shelby smiled against her shoulder, looking up at her through her eye lashes, and Toni was overwhelmed with the sudden want to kiss her. 

She didn't, because she knew that was a bad idea.

Toni went by the hospital first thing tomorrow, Shelby tagging along because she didn't really have anything better to do.

"Mrs Keita," Toni greeted with a smile, the elderly woman's face lighting up at the sight of Toni. "Well, look at you. Been in the hospital a day and you look twenty years younger."

The woman scoffed and rolled her eyes, smiling kindly at Shelby. "How do you work with this one?"

"With a lot of struggles." Shelby teased and the woman chuckled. "How are you feeling?" 

"Twenty years younger."

Toni flashed her a little grin before emptying out the bag she had. 

"All different kinds of food, and got a few crime books 'cause I saw ones similar at your place, and there are also some unhealthy snacks in there."

"Thank you," the woman clasped Toni's hands, face serious. "Really, you're a good girl."

"That's what my moms' say." Toni smiled. 

"Ah, raised by lesbians, makes sense."

Toni laughed at the woman. "I dunno, Shelby's alright and she was raised by…" toToni leaned in closed, whispered dramatically. "Republican."

"Oh, honey," Mrs Keita released Toni's hand and reached for Shelby. "Are you okay?" 

Shelby laughed, letting the woman clasp her hands in between her own. "I'm fine now that I don't speak to them."

That made Toni frown, she had heard about her parents being republicans from people teasing Shelby about the house, but she had no idea Shelby didn't speak to them any more. 

"Well, sometimes that kind of thing is for the best, honey." Mrs Keita said, a sadness about her that told Toni she knew what she was talking about. "I haven't spoken to my mother since I was sixteen and ran away with my late wife."

"Was it worth it?" 

"I had a happy life, so I would say with certainty that it is."

"I'm finding that myself, that I'm happier away from there."

"Sometimes family is blood, others it's a mouthy little fire fighter." Mrs Keita's eyes slipped to Toni, who grinned proudly at that statement. 

"Unfortunately, I know that." Shelby teased, smirking at Toni when she scoffed. 

"Yeah, right, I'm your favourite part of the day, Tex." Toni shot back, eyebrow arched at Shelby. Flirting, quite blatantly, too.

"I can't argue with that," Shelby shrugged, grinning right back at Toni, because Toni hadn't expected _that_ as an answer. "I'm going to go get us coffee. What can I get for you, ma'am?" 

"Just back," 

Shelby left to get then coffee, and Mrs Keita turned to Toni, eyebrows raised. 

"What?" Toni frowned. 

"I thought you said you were single?" 

"I am," 

"Right, and you and the medic are just friends, are you?" the woman asked, accused, really. 

"Yes," the woman snorted but let it go. 

At least until Toni was leaving. 

"I'll bring you lunch tomorrow, hospital food sucks." Toni promised, and Mrs Keita gently took ahold of her hand. 

"Don't pass something like this up because you are afraid, girl." she said, giving Toni a look. "She's a sweet girl."

"Too sweet for me, ma'am." Toni said, giving her hand a soft squeeze. "See you tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

Toni had spoken to Jamie about the lieutenant thing. Jamie had smiled like she expected it, and told Toni exactly what both Dani and Shelby had. 

"You'll be amzing at it, pal. I couldn't think of anyone better for the job."

So Toni put her name in, figuring she wouldn't get it. But she made it through the whole interview process impressing each of the recruiters along the way. 

Viola was leaving in a week, which means Jamie would be stepping up then, Toni was on edge waiting to hear something. 

She got the call telling her she had a final interview with the Fire Chef, the guy in charge of the entirety of Chicago right before this call. 

The rescue squad hadn't initially been requested, at first it was just truck and medics. But then something exploded in the basement of the three story house and rescue were called out. 

Toni likes to call what happened next an example of the butterfly effect. Because Toni wasn't even the one who was supposed to go inside, it was supposed to be Rachel, but Rachel took a wobbler just before and almost fainted under the weight of her gear. 

(A symptom of an eating disorder Toni would later find out about). 

So Toni offered to go in instead, and before Jamie had even agreed Toni was thundering up the ladder to the second floor, because there was no time to argue, she could hear the baby wailing. 

Toni was in the window and barely two steps into the room when Leah grabbed her suit from the ladder through the window. 

"The floor isn't safe, be careful." She ordered. "We only know of the baby on this floor, get it and get out as soon as you can. It's one room over."

Toni nodded, giving her friends hand a squeeze. "I got this."

"I know," Toni said immediately, and Toni took off, making her way along the wall until she reached the door for the conjoined room. 

She opened the door slowly, in case the room had been engulfed in the minute or so Toni hadn't had it in her sights. 

But, thankfully, it was just slightly smokey, and luckily the baby was still crying. 

"Toni you gotta move, this floor is burning up." Leah spoke through her earpiece. 

"I've got the baby, I'm coming back."

Toni masked the baby up and made her way back the way she came, but almost as soon as she got into the other room she realised what Leah was talking about, the room has started burning from the open door on the far left, but also from underneath. 

Toni wasn't sure what her chances were. 

"Stick to the walls." Toni's voice came through, obviously realising Toni had frozen up. "You got this, Shalifoe."

Toni took a breath and started walking again, and she could feel it, the sudden give on the wooden floor that hadn't been there before. 

But she got back to the window fine, it was just as she had handed the baby over that the floor gave out beneath her, and Toni was just barely quick enough to catch herself on the windowsill, but she cracked her mask on it as she did, and her ribs crashed into the radiator under the window hard enough that Toni was winded, and genuinely worried she'd broken something. 

Leah was reaching for her in a second, but she only had one free hand, with a baby in the other, two stories. 

"Take the baby, Lee." Toni said, trying and failing to find a place to catch her foot. 

"Toni," 

"Take the baby, I can hold on until you get back." Toni assured, and Leah left immediately, because she knew the longer she argued the harder it would be for Toni to hold on. 

And Toni tried to hold on, she really did, but she was slipping, she couldn't breathe and she was unable to get her feet anywhere to give her any leverage, since the place was crumbling. 

She didn't give up, though, clawing at the windowsill even as she slipped. 

And she was sure she was gonna die when her arms gave out completely but there Jamie was, looking both panicked and relieved, gripping onto Toni's arm.

The pain was evident in her face, she still wasn't cleared for _active_ duty, she was still tender from the attack. 

"Don't fuckin' think so, kid. Your mom would have my head." she said, dragging Toni out of the window with surprising strength and Toni tumbled out, panicked and unable to really breathe.

Toni didn't even feel the platform being lowered, she wasn't even sure she was entirely conscious when it was, feeling a little light headed from all the smoke she no doubt inhaled. 

One minute she was on her back two stories up, then she was on the ground, Shelby kneeling over her, oxygen mask over her mouth. 

"Hey, you wanna keep your eyes open for me, Crow?" 

Toni probably would have chuckled at the name had she been able to breathe properly, but she couldn't, her chest feeling tight, and if she moved her head too quickly she felt dizzy.

"You inhaled a lot of smoke, Shalifoe, I need you to stay alert for me or I might have to blue light you."

"I'm fine," Toni assured, her voice hoarse, her throat dry. 

She tried to sit up and Shelby immediately stopped her. "Take it easy, okay? We're going to have to take you to hospital, anyway, you inhaled enough smoke you passed out, that's concerning."

Toni wanted to argue, but she knew Shelby was right, so she laid back down, groaning then coughing. 

Jamie came over then, kneeling down beside Toni and smoothing the hair out of her face. Sure, a mothering thing to do, and Toni might have been a little unsure about her doing it at work had Jamie not done the same thing with Rachel when she almost fainted. 

"I feel like my breathing is like filtered or some shit." Toni panted, and Jamie nodded 

"Yeah, they'll ease up soon, kid." Jamie assured. "You did good, the baby is safe."

Toni nodded, but stopped when she started feeling dizzy.

"Your mom is meeting us at the hospital."

Toni gave a slow nod and opened her eyes, her hand finding Jamie's and she just clutched onto it, she had seen the fear in Jamie's eyes when she realised what was happening up there. 

"Will you come in the ambulance with me? Shelby said she'd blue light and drive like she's in GTA." Toni teased, grinning at Shelby when she chuckled. 

"I know a good otolaryngologist, Shalifoe." She shook her head, focusing on whatever it was she was doing, but Toni could see her little smile, and so could Jamie, who arched her eyebrows at Toni teasingly.

"Jokes on you, I don't even know what that means." 

"Ear doctors, cause that isn't what I said."

She was escorted to the hospital, and Dani was on her as soon as she got there, touching her face and her sides. Asking over and over if she was okay, and for some reason Toni felt herself tear up as her mom hugged her, just knowing that Jamie wasn't more than a few feet away, too. 

Toni felt safe. 

Safe and sore. 

Her mom's didn't leave her side the rest of the night, and Shelby lingered for as long as she could but after half an hour she had to get back to work. 

And Toni thought that was that. That she was going to spend the night watching Netflix on her laptop while her mom's slept on the sofa just across the room. 

Toni knew she was too wired to sleep, and, apparently, so did Shelby. 

It was a little after midnight when there was a soft knock on the door, and Shelby peeked in, unsure if Toni was going to be awake or not. 

Toni offered a little smile and a quiet greeting, which was enough for Shelby to be comfortable enough to slip inside, sitting on the bed beside Toni when she moved over a little. 

"I know how crap hospital food is."

"Yeah, no joke." Toni scoffed, wiggling to sit up, pulling the table toward herself and Shelby. "Was everyone okay?" 

"Everyone was fine, they were outside for ages, but the doctor managed to talk them into leaving. A surprisingly rowdy lot when they want to be." Shelby said. 

"How was the rest of your shift?" 

Shelby shrugged, unwrapping her food, Toni doing the same. "Uneventful, a few easy calls."

"Any calls for rescue?" 

"Nah, your guys were out in the lobby here until about ten tonight." Shelby motioned toward the door. "I'm just lucky the doctor likes me and let me 'sneak past'."

"Yeah, if it's the doctor I've seen hanging all over you I think he more than likes ya, Tex." Toni wiggled her eyebrows at Shelby, who laughed softly. 

"Well, I think we both know he's not exactly my type." Shelby said quietly, and Toni gasped, playful. 

"In front of my parents." fuax whispered. 

Shelby laughed, rolling her eyes at Toni. 

"Are you feeling okay?" Shelby asked, and Toni noticed she was suddenly serious. But that seriousness melted away when she looked up at Toni, who had a mouth full of food, burrito still up at her mouth, bread peeking out of her lips. 

"M'fine." Toni nodded and Shelby laughed. "Do you want to hang out? I'm watching Naked and Afraid."

Shelby nodded, "Sure, yeah."

And Shelby stayed until morning, eventually falling asleep a little after three, Toni setting up one of her pillows under Shelby's head. 

Jamie was the first to wake up, just before four, looking a jovial when she spotted Shelby. "Sneaking girls in right under our nose?" 

"Shut up," Toni tutted. 

"How you feelin'?" 

Toni nodded, shrugged. "Better. Still a little breathless."

"Good. You hungry?" 

Toni shook her head. "You should probably go to the station."

"Stop thinking about work and _sleep_ , Toni." Jamie sighed. "I'll go in when I'm ready, my kid almost died last night."

"Right, yeah." Toni nodded. "Can you get me a hot chocolate? Then I will sleep."

"Sure thing, pal." Jamie agreed, giving a small smile as she slipped out of the room. 

Toni was released that night, Dani being the only one there to take her home, even though the station group chat was blowing up saying they'd all be there. 

But there was a call, and Toni so glad, she didn't want to deal with a lot of people right now. 

"My apartment is on the other side of town," Toni said, a knowing smile on her lips, because she knew exactly where they were going. 

"Well, your mom is working tonight, and I don't feel like being alone." Dani said simply, and Toni nodded, she didn't either.

\--

Toni wasn't allowed back to work for a week, which Toni thought would be fine, she's an adult with more going on than just work. 

Except after three days she was climbing the walls, she felt fine, she could go back to work, but Jamie refused, even after Toni begged her. 

Toni even tried to get Dani on side, if she had Dani on side it was a done deal getting Jamie to agree. 

But Dani refused to budge, even when Toni pulled out her best puppy dog eyes, ones that always worked. 

So she ended up having to stay home, but one of her crew mates would stop by at least twice a day, bringing her food and making sure she was doing okay. 

She got mostly Leah, Fatin and Martha, but Dot and Nora came by too (Rachel didn't, but she knew why, she knew Rachel felt guilty about it all). She didn't see Shelby for the first five days, which was weird because they never spent that long apart.

Shelby left the morning at the hospital with a weird smile and awkward wave, but Toni put it down to the fact her room had suddenly filled up with Toni's extended family, people Shelby didn't really know.

She was starting to worry that she had said or did something wrong while high on pain meds and now Shelby was avoiding her.

Things hadn't been great with them, since Toni started keeping her distance, but they were both outright ignoring it. Pretending everything was normal.

But then Shelby showed up at her door on a Sundays morning. She had breakfast, coffee and what looked like a video game in her hands, an almost sheepish smile on her lips. 

"Hey," Toni greeted. 

"Hey, I, uh-" Shelby held up the stuff in her arms. "I'm here to either drop these off and leave, or hang out. Depends how you're feeling."

"Will you talk much if I let you hang out?" Toni asked, eyebrows raised, soft teasing grin on her lips. 

"I won't say a single word for the rest of the night if that's what you want."

"Deal," Toni grinned, moving aside to let Shelby inside. "Though, I'm never a fan of a girl being _too_ quiet." 

Shelby rolled her eyes but didn't respond, moving inside and dropping the stuff onto the kitchen counter. 

"How are you feeling?" she asked as she began unpacking breakfast; avocado toast with poached egg, something she knew Toni liked even though Toni always denied liking it. 

It was such a little, dumb thing, but it was something most hadn't taken the time to learn about her. It made Toni wonder just how well Shelby knew her. 

"Yeah, fine. I went to the gym today, got breathless faster than I usually would but I feel fine." Toni shrugged, eyeing Shelby, who was so clearly exhausted. "You been working a lot?" 

"Every night since the hospital." Shelby hummed. 

Toni whistled. "How are you still standing?" 

"The promise of your comfy sofa and not doing anything but watching TV and eating junk food all day is forcing me through it." Shelby said, and Toni felt her relax under her hand when Toni stepped closer and placed a hand on her lower back. 

"Go sit, Tex. I'll sort this out."

"I'm not the cripple, you are."

Toni scoffed. "Didn't you hear me say I was just back from the gym? One ninety each arm, Goodkind." Toni grinned crookedly, and Shelby huffed out a laugh. 

"You don't even weigh a hundred and ninety pounds soaking wet." Shelby scoffed, but there was no bite behind it. 

"Go sit down, you're holding me back." Toni waved her away, and Shelby did as she was told. "Pick a movie."

Toni sorted the food before joining Shelby on the sofa, handing Shelby her food. 

And they just ate in silence, then watched the movie in silence, and it should be fine, usually is, but Toni could feel the anxiety radiate off of Shelby. 

"Hey," Toni spoke softly, prompting Shelby to look over at her. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," Shelby nodded, shrugging. "Yeah, fine."

"Okay," Toni hummed. "You just seem a little off, is all."

"I'm just tired, I guess."

Toni didn't believe her, but she dropped it, nodding slightly. "Cool."

Shelby was asleep before the end of the next movie, and Toni let her just crash on the sofa as she went about her day, even leaving for a few hours to get coffee with Leah.

Shelby slept through lunch, finally waking up not long after three, Toni was on the chair on the balcony, playing Skyrim on her switch when Shelby padded outside, hair messy, squinting against the sun. 

"Afternoon, sleepyhead." Toni greeted. "You hungry?" 

"Mm," Shelby nodded, one eye still closed, still half asleep. 

Toni chuckled as she stood, ushering Shelby back inside. 

Toni made them food, both settling down on the sofa to watch Bake Off. 

"My parents have been trying to get in contact." Shelby said. "I dunno why, they made themselves pretty clear where they stood five years ago."

"Is this one'a those things where you tell me half a story and I need to piece it together?" Toni asked and Shelby huffed out a laugh, shaking her head. "You never talk about your parents, I don't know anything about them."

"Because I washed my hands of them years ago, when they tried to send me away to get _fixed_."

"Ah, those kinda Christians, huh?" Toni said, tone sympathetic. 

"Yeah, but I'm over it, over them, and they're trying to force themselves back in, pretending they'll deal with it." Shelby tutted and rolled her eyes. "I don't want them back, but it's bringing back a lot of old wounds, and it's stress I don't need right now."

"Do you believe them? That's they'll deal?" 

Shelby shook her head. " _Maybe_ her, but not him. I don't-I _hate_ him, Toni. How he treated me when I was a kid?" Shelby scowled, shaking her head. "No, I'm happier without them."

"Do what's best for you, Shelby. You can trust me when I say blood doesn't equal family." Toni said. "You've got your family here, with us, and if you want to let them in then do it at your own terms and set boundaries. You don't need'em anymore, Shelby."

"I know. I just feel like I need to fix it."

"I tired once," Toni said. "Only my parents, and Leah and Marty know, but when I was fifteen my mom appeared, forced herself back in. I tired to give her a chance but she was bad for me. My mom's knew instantly that it wasn't good for me, I started acting out, acting wide with my mother because I could get away with it, because she was a trash mother."

"What happened?" 

"She ended up back on drugs." Toni shrugged. "Sometimes people just aren't any good for you. And it's okay to keep them at arms length."

"Do you talk to your mom?" 

"Nah," Toni shook her head. "No point. Whatever you decide to do, I've got your back."

"I think I might keep them at a distance, but I can't just-my siblings, I've missed them."

"See, I didn't have that. But they are a good reason to deal with your parents." 

Shelby nodded, the smallest smile on her lips. "Thank you, Toni."

"I've been off work for a whole five days, I've been a therapist I've been so bored." Toni groaned and Shelby laughed. 

"I bet you're climbing the walls."

"No joke," Toni groaned head falling back against the back of the sofa. "Marty's been over a lot, though, Leah, too. So it hasn't been so bad."

"You haven't missed much, it's been pretty quiet."

"Maybe the universe is saving it all up for me getting back." Toni grinned easily over at Shelby who huffed. 

"I would not be surprised."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toni get a kid in the next chapter? What?  
> Let me know what you think?   
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking I'm probably gonna make this a series if you guys like it!
> 
> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


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